The Greatest of These is Love...

I am a sinner. A terrible person. I steal. I cheat. I lie. I don't always treat people the way I should treat them. I gossip. I say things I wish I could take back. I kill spiders when I find them in my house. I don't tithe the way I'm supposed to. I don't read my Bible regularly. Sometimes I forget to pray. I complain. I worry. I'm really an anxious mess sometimes. I'm not the greatest mom at times. I don't always keep promises. I am a terrible person!

I am also a Christian. So, I know that I am a horrible person and I know that I'm a sinner. And the beautiful thing? I also know that I am forgiven! I am the daughter of a King that loves me very much. God knew that I was a sinner a long time ago. Before I was even born. And He sent His one and only son Jesus to die on the cross and take away my sins. By grace I have been saved, not by my own works. This is so comforting to know. Out of all of the awful things that I have done in my life, I am still saved. I believe in my Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior. I believe that He paid the ultimate price for me on that cross. And that it is my job as a Christian to accept the glorious love of Christ, and to share the message and the promise of hope with my fellow human beings. 

It is not my job to point out other peoples' sins. It is not my job to condemn others for their choices. It is not my business to know what my friends and family do in terms of sinning. It is not my job to worry about the sins of others. All I can do is share with them the good news that they are forgiven! They are loved! And, if they choose to accept it, there is a place for them in heaven. 

We, as Christians, do a terrible job of this, in my opinion. And never has this truth been more prevalent to me than in the last couple days when the Supreme Court of the United States of America repealed the laws banning same-sex marriages. My Facebook page has been blown up with two very different camps. There are those that are celebrating with the LBGT community in their victory. And there are those that are condemning the decision and calling this as a sign that Jesus is coming back again soon. I have read comment after comment, post after post from a whole lot of people. And I am saddened by what I see. People are so mean to each other. People are saying horrible, terrible things about fellow human beings. This isn't what Jesus asked us, as Christians, to do. This isn't how I picture Jesus wanting us to behave towards each other. 

What do I believe? People want to know which side of the fence you sit in. People want to know. Are you a supporter of the decision? Do you think it's right? Do you paste your Facebook page with rainbows and celebrate equality? Or do you believe in the preservation of marriage as one man and one woman? Do you quote Bible passages and point out their sinful ways and demand them to repent!

Why do I have to be on either side of the fence? Why can't I just sit on the fence and show both sides love? Offer them my hope and prayers for the future. 

Where do I stand? I believe in marriage as the union of one man and one woman. That many times in the Bible God spoke of a woman leaving her parents and joining her husband. So what does this mean for me when I hear the Supreme Court has allowed homosexual couples to marry? Do I grab my pitchfork and torch and go after them? So I eye "them" evilly just knowing they're going to turn my friends and family gay? No. It means that I love them. And pray for them. I don't judge, as it is not my place.  I don't hate. They are not impacting me and my life. I just love them and pray for them. Why on earth would I do that? Do I have any idea how God feels about them? Yes! God loves them! God loves them so much that He already sent His son to die on the cross for their sins. All of them. And all of mine too. For we all sin and fall short of the glory of God. Thank goodness for such a loving and forgiving God! I only hope that we can be good models of Him as we Christians walk through this life, and especially this time in our society. 

Sadly, I have seen many that are not choosing this opportunity to love and witness to the masses. I happened to be around some people when they found out the ruling. The words I heard from them broke my heart. Derrogatory names. Hate and unkind words. It was so disturbing to me that I excused myself to another room and I cried. My heart broke as the scene echoed in my head. People that are strong Christians, people that worship God and are devout in their faith, were saying horrible, appalling things. And all I could think about was what if you were talking to or about Jesus?

Who did Jesus hang out with? Prostitutes. Tax collectors. Liars. Cheats. He knew that these were the people that needed Him the most! Sinners! Like all of us. Sinners! And I realize that there is a fine line I am dancing around here as I try not to judge the Christians that were judging others. The bottom line? As a Christian...as a sinner...I believe it is my calling to witness to others. Am I to walk up to a gay couple and point out their wrong doings? Proclaim to them that gay marriage is a sin and that they are signing themselves up for eternal damnation for their actions? I will not do this!  For I too am a sinner. And I believe that I serve a kind, loving Father who loves me dearly. My God forgives my lying. He forgives my cheating. He forgives me when I squash spiders. And He forgives others who sin. He forgives the homosexual who enters into marriage with another of the same sex. And He loves all of the sinners listed above. He loves them more than anything. 

Is it my job to judge? No. It is not, for I am just as guilty of atrocities as the next person. It is my job to love. And it is my job to pray. Matthew 22:36-40 states the greatest commandment of all: Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” 37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Love! It is our job to love. So I will love them. And I will pray for them. And I will know that it is not my job to judge anyone. 

Why did I have such a strong emotional reaction? One person said, "If you have that strong of a reaction to this topic, then you should probably keep quiet about it." So that was what I did. I went to another room and wept. I didn't say anything to the people that were using horrible words. But I cried because I have students I have worked with that I worry about meeting this sort of attitude. I have little boys that don't feel like little boys. And I have little girls that don't feel like little girls. They come to me sad and confused and not sure what to do. And my hearts breaks for them because I know that they will meet people like the ones that I encountered. They will struggle their whole lives with their questioning. They will walk through life feeling alone and unsupported, only to have someone, a Christian perhaps, call them a "fairy" or point out that they are sinning and are an abomination to God. And I weep for them. I weep for my children, both at work and in my home. Life is hard enough without being ripped apart and torn down by others. This issue goes so much deeper than this topic. People are just mean and rude and so intolerant. You don't have to agree with gay marriage! I don't! But I'm still going to love and respect those that do. Love one another! The greatest commandment of all! Hate the sin, but love the sinner! All sinners...liars. Cheaters. Murderers. And yes, even homosexuals. For we are all fighting battles. We are all trying desperately to navigate this world and to deal with everything that life throws at us. Atrocities and heartbreak, cancer and suicide, awful terrible things all around us. We are all fighting battles. Let's let the battles person to person be one less battle to worry about. Hate the sin, but love the sinner. I hope that someone uses this phrase when they are publicly shaming me for my sins. Because I am a sinner! I do horrible, terrible things. Everyday, I do something that goes against God's word. Every. Single. Day. And yet, I am saved! I think that my friends and family still think I'm an ok person. And I don't ask that you hear my lying and think it's ok. I wouldn't want you to condone me stealing if you knew that I was stealing. But you know what I would hope for? Rather than publicly shaming me and calling me a horrible name, I would hope that you would love me. Hold me close in your heart, love me, and pray for me. 

What an opportunity we have to witness to others, every day! We can choose to be a shining example of Christ's love and simply love others! Be kind. For we are all fighting battles...

The End of An Era

I love to watch reruns of the TV show Friends. I don't like to watch much TV so after I tuck my girls in at night, I put my DVDs in and spend my night laughing and watching these six friends and their journey through life as a close-knit group. Last night I put the disk in and pushed play. It was the one where Chandler and Monica decide to move in together and Rachel thinks they're all going to be roommates. Monica had to explain to her that she is indeed asking her to move out. Rachel and Monica both cried and shared a moment and both declared that this was the end of an era. And I cried...for Monica. For Rachel. For myself. 

You see, my school right now is experiencing the end of an era. One of our teachers, who has been with our school for 38 years, is retiring. This afternoon, we gathered together to celebrate her career, her accomplishments, her greatness. And it was glorious! Perfect! Everything that the party planners envisioned happened. The food was perfect, the fellowship was wonderful, the surprises were kept surprises until the end. It was a beautiful, wonderful tribute to a great teacher, a great person, a great friend. 

My friend. I have gone through retirements before. Several teachers, great amazing teachers, have walked through the doors of our school and into their retirement years, leaving behind a full staff of people that love and care for them. And I have shed tears at many of those retirement parties. This one was different. I didn't cry at the party. Inside my heart was beaming for my friend. Looking around the room and seeing all of the people that love her and care for her. That was the best moment ever. And I couldn't be sad! I couldn't be sad knowing that this remarkable woman had impacted so many people! Students. Parents. Staff. Family. Friends. She has altered the lives of so many! She has bettered so many people! She has had her hand in changing hearts and minds and molding people into being amazing individuals. Whether that is encouraging students to work harder to succeed or walking teachers through tough situations that make them better professionals.

I have been honored to grow ever so close with this person. I have worked with her for the past thirteen years. My whole career thus far. I was a new SLP that was introduced to this school. And I was intimidated by her. I had heard she was amazing. That she was a champion for her students. And I quickly found out how true that was. She was amazing.  She is amazing.  And I admired her from afar for a few years. And then I started talking to her. And pretty soon we were eating lunch together every day. And then I was telling her everything. Sharing with her about my life and getting to know her. I adored her! She was incredible! I quickly knew that I was going to have to pay attention to this one, for she was very wise, not only about school topics, but about life in general. She and I began to be bonded in several ways and I was so thankful. When I think about stories to share about our time together, there are many that flood into my heart and head. Our first IEP meeting together. How she saved me from a difficult student in her calm, firm miracle ways. How she tried so hard to have her daughter and I be friends and we didn't listen, but now we also share an amazingly close friendship. How she announced to the staff at a meeting after open house that I was pregnant with Amelia. And how I decided it was also appropriate for her to announce my pregnancy with Emerson. How when Amelia was born she held her and gazed into her eyes and loved her and was the best other grandma in the world. How both of my girls adore her and how she adores them right back. How I know I can go to her classroom with protocols and brainstorm testing with kids. How in meetings together she and I can lock eyes and have an entire conversation with each other without saying a word. How she rushed to my side the night that Brian died and sat up with me all night long, holding me on the couch and letting me sob, and often crying right along with me. How she walked and guided and learned and helped me over the course of our years after Brian died. How she introduced me again to her daughter and son and husband and they took my girls and me into their hearts as a part of their family. And there are a thousand more memories that I cherish in my heart forever. 

But another memory was etched into my heart tonight. One of her old students came to the party tonight. When the floor was opened up for stories and memories and words of praise for her, this student jumped right in. He praised her for making him the man he is today. He reflected on their time together in class. He hugged her and cried with her and thanked her for all she had done for him. And he turned and he thanked us, a room full of teachers he didn't know, for our service to kids. And a new memory was made. I will forever remember that moment because I want that! I want to be the kind of teacher that she is! And I already credit my friend for making me a better SLP over my 13 years. She has molded me and shaped me into being a better teacher for my students. But, I still want to be just like her when I grow up. That's the kind of teacher she is! I want to impact my students and parents and colleagues the way she has over her 38 years in this profession. I want to change kids' lives. I want parents to remember me as an advocate for my students. I want to impact colleagues in a positive way. I want to be someone who has students come back in 25 years and tell me that they are who they are today because of me!

Our jobs are so hard! And they get harder all of the time. But all that melted away today as I watched this teacher and this student interact and embrace. Our basic job, when we take away the testing and curriculum and paperwork and the things that make our jobs virtually impossible, is to raise these kids, raise these families, and raise each other. To be the best we can be and help our students be the best they can be. So one more lesson from my dear sweet friend: be there, listen, help make these kids into the adults that will come back and thank me for making them who they are.

An end of an era. At the close of the party, I got into my truck to drive home,

and made it about 100 yards down the road and sobbed. My heart is so happy tonight! Being able to give my friend the send off that she deserves makes me completely happy. But my heart is also breaking knowing that I will begin to navigate school life without my friend, without my person. That I will be on my own, much like the students that we raise and send on to better things. So, perhaps it's time for me to grow up. Step up into her shoes (as tiny as my feet are in her BIG shoes) and be the start of the next era. Because that student's speech changed my thinking and changed my heart. This is the end of an era for my friend and for our school. But what a God-given opportunity for me to change my perspective, love on my school babies, and know that maybe, just maybe, I can be the beginning of the next era. 

I love you, my friend, with all my heart. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me! I am eternally grateful that our paths have crossed. I'm grateful that you adopted me and molded me and worked with me, perhaps to prepare me for just this occasion. God blessed me with you, so that I may bless others the way you have blessed so many! I am a better person for knowing you! I am so happy for you that you will get to rest and relax! Job well done, good and faithful servant! May God bless you always and forever!

The end of an era...so a new era can begin!