I have always loved and been fascinated by weather. Twister is one of my favorite movies. I love watching documentaries on tornados and hurricanes. I love images of lightning storms or clouds or the sunshine. Some of my fondest memories across the span of my lifetime have to do with weather. Laying on the trampoline with my sister and our friends staring up at the sky and watching the clouds go by. Hearing the start of a hailstorm and grabbing my sister's hand and running to the lean-to with the aluminum roof to lay on the woodpile and listen to the hailstones banging on the metal roof. My husband and I would make rum and cokes and grab lawn chairs and a blanket and snuggle on the back porch, just under the eaves, and watch thunderstorms together, my heart skipping a beat with each flash of lightning, the echoes of the thunder ringing across the sky all around us. Sitting on the couch with little girls in my lap, watching giant snowflakes fall and accumulate on the back deck, a similar picture from when I was a little girl, sitting on the couch with my mama and watching the snow fall in the light of the large yard light.
There was a time period recently where I think I lost touch with my love of the weather. I had other, more important things passing by in my life, and I just didn't notice things much. But, as I have grown in my faith and in my relationship with my Heavenly Father, all of the beauty of nature has started to spring anew once again. I often find myself staring heavenward, looking at the amazing cloud formations. I stop and take pictures of the gorgeous sunrises that happen to peak over the tree line to the east of my home. I more deeply feel the warmth of the sunshine on sunshine-y days. I treasure the rainbow that arch their way across the skies. God's creation is incredible, and such a wonderful reminder of His power and His love for us.
I snapped the picture that is posted with this blog post while I was sitting at the Silverdale Waterfront. I often go there to sit and think and pray and just be still, catching my breath for just a moment in this busy life. I often meet my friend and prayer partner there and get to share the beauty of that place with someone I hold dear. Not to give away a secret treasure, but it is a beautiful setting in its own right. An almost 360 degree view of water and mountains, trees, and big, open skies. My heart is filled with peace and hope and love as I sit and watch my surroundings, and my faith is immersed in the beauty that is God's creation. This particular day, it was stormy. As I sat in my truck, eating a quick lunch between errands, the wind was buffeting my sturdy truck. The waves of the Inlet were crashing into the dock and onto the shore. And in a short time, there was a pounding rain that came flowing across the water straight onto my parking spot. The rain didn't really do much for my visibility of the water, but as I sat in my truck, I laid my head back and closed my eyes, listening to the sound of the beating rain on the roof of my truck. My heart was still and calm, listening for the messages that I often find in the weather. Suddenly, I opened my eyes and through the rain, there was a blinding light reflecting off of the water. I leaned forward and there, right in front of my truck in the water close to shore, a blue sky opening. Sun beams were streaming down out of the sky, and reflecting off of the water, filing my truck with warmth and joy. I leaned closer to my steering wheel and looked straight up, and it was like a tube running from the sky to the water below. Sunlight streaming, parting through the torrential rains that were all around. I grabbed my cell phone, and aiming it skyward, snapping the picture posted with this blog. And as my phone captured the sunshine through the storm clouds, the clouds swallowed up the blue skies and the beams were gone.
I sat there in awe, staring at the picture on my phone, wondering that had just really happened. And then, the message in the mess flowed into my heart and into my ears, and I knew exactly what Father God was trying to share with me. We all have storms. We all have stuff that we carry. We are all going through our own journeys filled with torrential rain and buffeting winds. Dark clouds threaten to swallow us whole and wipe out every glimmer of sunshine and light that we so desperately need. The clouds form around us, choking the life right out of us as we struggle with walk, or even stand, in the storm. We fear that we may blow away, sink beneath the waves, be enveloped by swirling and twirling of the confusion of the storms all around us. We feel alone and scared and desperate, waiting for the sunshine to return quickly.
This event that I witnessed? A message from our Heavenly Father. We are not alone. He does not abandon us in the storms of life. He is right there, just beneath the surface, waiting for us to cry to Him for help and admit that we cannot navigate through the storms on our own. All we need to do is muster enough strength to call out, "Father, help me!" and He will be there, parting the clouds, clearing the rain, calming the winds, showing you that there is still light and good and calm skies, but most importantly, that He is there beneath it all, waiting for us to realize that we cannot do the storms on our own.
I love weather! But, I also realize the power and the strength that weather can show. And I am getting much better at realizing that I cannot navigate the weather without my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I need Him guiding and guarding and protecting me always, through the literal storms, and the figurative storms that plague my life. There will always be another weather pattern coming on the horizon. It's up to you to decide if you are going to fear the weather, and try to make your own plan for getting through or surviving, or if you are going to admire that power and beauty of the weather, and know that you need someone far greater than yourself to help walk you through the storms in life. I know what I am choosing. I will continue to admire the clouds, snap pictures of the storms and the sunshine, watching thunderstorms with joyful anticipation, and watch Twister for the 5,000th time. Because I have grown so much in my faith and my trust in Father God, that I am not afraid of the storms. I know that He is right there beside me in them, walking me through, shielding me from the dangers, sheltering me from the pelting rain. Am I perfect in this? No. I forget that sometimes the storms of life are overwhelming, and it just all feels like too much. Friends that are ill. People in pain. Strangers hurting on the street corner. It's hard to witness this and sometimes understand that He has a plan. That He is in control of this weather. But, I strive everyday to simply Be Still, and Know that He is God! And with His help and His word, I will continue to grow and flourish in my faith so that one day, I will be able to deflect the nastiness of the storms all around and just know that He has it all under control. It is in His hands, and I am simply to trust in Him and admire the beauty in the storms.
Jeremiah 10:13 says, "When HE utters His voice, there is a tumult of waters in the heavens, And He causes the clouds to ascend from the end of the earth; He makes lightning for the rain, And brings out the wind from His storehouses." He is in control of it all. Every storm in our lives, He is in control of. He uses our storms to push us and to grow us and to make us uncomfortable, so that we run to Him for the shelter that He provides. So we come to trust in His every move. So we rely on Him for protection.
I am thankful for the beauty in the storms, and for the Father that loves and protects me through them all. Thank you, Father!
Amen!
Friday, April 14, 2017
Monday, April 10, 2017
Second Verse, Same as the First...
Albert Einstein defined insanity as "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." I must be insane...
How many years have I tried to lose weight? How many times have I sworn to eat healthy and exercise and finally get down to a healthy BMI? How many programs have I tried and fad diets and exercise apps and new shoes and high tech workout clothes. New treadmill? Medal motivation? When I look back to just one year ago, I had already finished a 5K...the Seahawks 5K. I was feeling so good. So proud. So energetic and so eager to take it to the end. FINALLY I had figured out the right combination for me to be successful. I carried my New Years Resolution to run and complete my 5K and 10K apps from January all the way through November 5th. And then, I broke my foot.
I tried hard to fight the sadness and depression...the wanting nothing but to eat myself into oblivion. I fought the sadness of not being able to run. In fact, I maybe overdid it a lot of the time after I broke my foot, pushing myself to move and keep going even with a broken foot. Pushing a walker all over the streets of Seattle, hopping from room to room, not wanting to slow down enough to settle because who was I without running and exercising. I don't think anyone knew that I was down and depressed. That I wasn't sure what I was going to do with myself. That each night I would cry in pain and in fear and in uncertainty of not knowing how I was going to be OK. If I didn't have anything to drive me forward, how was I going to keep losing weight and keep being successful.
Well, I haven't been eating the best lately, and I find myself on the end of a splurge that has finally said "ENOUGH!" My clothes are fitting tighter. I'm winded walking up stairs and through hallways. My back and my head and my joints are killing me. I let myself go too far. The difference? I have caught myself before I gained too much of it back. But, there's something more to this journey. There's something missing from the walking and the WeightWatchers and the life style changes. What's missing? In my prayers and petitions to Father God, I have come to realize that there is a piece of me that needs healing. There is a piece of me that cannot keep the success going. There's a piece of me that gets down to a certain weight, and the brakes come on, and the eating starts, and the not caring picks right back up where it left off. There is a huge piece of me that I need to turn over the God and ask for Him to lead me through.
I can have every minute of every day planned down to the second. I can have the best meal plans, and the best food in the house. I can have top of the line tennis shoes and state of the art equipment. I can have the best apps money can buy and all the motivation in the world. But that right there is the problem. I work very hard to plan and try and make everything work out ok. But, time and time again, I have been unsuccessful. Breaking my foot was a convenient excuse. I would have hit a wall and had a hard time even if my foot hadn't fractured that night in November. I remember sitting on the table in the Emergency Room when a wave of relief hit me. I could stop running...and then the fear that came right after that relief. I had to stop running. I had immersed my identity in this process, this journey. I had become a runner, obsessed with the next goal, the next finish line, the next segment on my app telling me what to do. I was burying my emotions and my guilt and my pain and my fear into the rhythmic beat of my feet on a treadmill. I used that time to talk to God, so I don't consider it a waste at all, but it was superficial conversations. It was avoidance of things that are deep within my soul. It was running and problem-solving issues that aren't mine to solve.
So, fatter and tired-er and sore-er, I am starting anew. Insanity - doing the same thing over and over again. Except this time, I'm not insane. And I'm not crazy. And I'm not avoiding anything. I messaged my bestie about my realization a few days ago - I need healing! I need to give this piece of my life to God. So much of my journey has been about healing and reinventing who I am in my Heavenly Father's eyes and reinventing who I want to be. I am so much stronger and wiser and I am filled with peace and love and hope and faith! But I need to give this last piece of my life, this last piece of insanity to HIM!
I'm starting again with the WeightWatchers and the running, although walking first and then when I get clearance from my surgeon, perhaps the running will commence again. But, I am not taking the route of insanity! I'm taking the route where I give this part of my heart and my soul to God, and He is going to walk me through. He is going to heal this part of me. He is going to take my hand, and gently walk me through the pain and the heartache and the insanity that I keep tucked away inside, that helps when the Tammy I have always known just stays fat and unhealthy. So, back to step one, where I plan out everything, and then sigh a big sigh of relief as I realized that it isn't mine to stress about. I'm giving it to my Father to take on and He will walk me through the weight loss journey.
This Easter week, as I walk through the week and think about the events that led from Jesus's triumphant entry into Jerusalem, and will eventually lead to my Lord and Savior hanging on a tree, I think about insanity. I think about the simplicity of just turning it over to Him! How freeing! How healing! How amazing to be able to pause in the madness and take a deep breath and feel alive once again!
John 8:36 says, "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."
Free indeed! Free at last! Jesus went to the cross and set me free! I need to only hand it over to him for complete, amazing freedom! The Son has set me free! And with help from Him through prayers and praise, I will be free indeed!
Amen!
How many years have I tried to lose weight? How many times have I sworn to eat healthy and exercise and finally get down to a healthy BMI? How many programs have I tried and fad diets and exercise apps and new shoes and high tech workout clothes. New treadmill? Medal motivation? When I look back to just one year ago, I had already finished a 5K...the Seahawks 5K. I was feeling so good. So proud. So energetic and so eager to take it to the end. FINALLY I had figured out the right combination for me to be successful. I carried my New Years Resolution to run and complete my 5K and 10K apps from January all the way through November 5th. And then, I broke my foot.
I tried hard to fight the sadness and depression...the wanting nothing but to eat myself into oblivion. I fought the sadness of not being able to run. In fact, I maybe overdid it a lot of the time after I broke my foot, pushing myself to move and keep going even with a broken foot. Pushing a walker all over the streets of Seattle, hopping from room to room, not wanting to slow down enough to settle because who was I without running and exercising. I don't think anyone knew that I was down and depressed. That I wasn't sure what I was going to do with myself. That each night I would cry in pain and in fear and in uncertainty of not knowing how I was going to be OK. If I didn't have anything to drive me forward, how was I going to keep losing weight and keep being successful.
Well, I haven't been eating the best lately, and I find myself on the end of a splurge that has finally said "ENOUGH!" My clothes are fitting tighter. I'm winded walking up stairs and through hallways. My back and my head and my joints are killing me. I let myself go too far. The difference? I have caught myself before I gained too much of it back. But, there's something more to this journey. There's something missing from the walking and the WeightWatchers and the life style changes. What's missing? In my prayers and petitions to Father God, I have come to realize that there is a piece of me that needs healing. There is a piece of me that cannot keep the success going. There's a piece of me that gets down to a certain weight, and the brakes come on, and the eating starts, and the not caring picks right back up where it left off. There is a huge piece of me that I need to turn over the God and ask for Him to lead me through.
I can have every minute of every day planned down to the second. I can have the best meal plans, and the best food in the house. I can have top of the line tennis shoes and state of the art equipment. I can have the best apps money can buy and all the motivation in the world. But that right there is the problem. I work very hard to plan and try and make everything work out ok. But, time and time again, I have been unsuccessful. Breaking my foot was a convenient excuse. I would have hit a wall and had a hard time even if my foot hadn't fractured that night in November. I remember sitting on the table in the Emergency Room when a wave of relief hit me. I could stop running...and then the fear that came right after that relief. I had to stop running. I had immersed my identity in this process, this journey. I had become a runner, obsessed with the next goal, the next finish line, the next segment on my app telling me what to do. I was burying my emotions and my guilt and my pain and my fear into the rhythmic beat of my feet on a treadmill. I used that time to talk to God, so I don't consider it a waste at all, but it was superficial conversations. It was avoidance of things that are deep within my soul. It was running and problem-solving issues that aren't mine to solve.
So, fatter and tired-er and sore-er, I am starting anew. Insanity - doing the same thing over and over again. Except this time, I'm not insane. And I'm not crazy. And I'm not avoiding anything. I messaged my bestie about my realization a few days ago - I need healing! I need to give this piece of my life to God. So much of my journey has been about healing and reinventing who I am in my Heavenly Father's eyes and reinventing who I want to be. I am so much stronger and wiser and I am filled with peace and love and hope and faith! But I need to give this last piece of my life, this last piece of insanity to HIM!
I'm starting again with the WeightWatchers and the running, although walking first and then when I get clearance from my surgeon, perhaps the running will commence again. But, I am not taking the route of insanity! I'm taking the route where I give this part of my heart and my soul to God, and He is going to walk me through. He is going to heal this part of me. He is going to take my hand, and gently walk me through the pain and the heartache and the insanity that I keep tucked away inside, that helps when the Tammy I have always known just stays fat and unhealthy. So, back to step one, where I plan out everything, and then sigh a big sigh of relief as I realized that it isn't mine to stress about. I'm giving it to my Father to take on and He will walk me through the weight loss journey.
This Easter week, as I walk through the week and think about the events that led from Jesus's triumphant entry into Jerusalem, and will eventually lead to my Lord and Savior hanging on a tree, I think about insanity. I think about the simplicity of just turning it over to Him! How freeing! How healing! How amazing to be able to pause in the madness and take a deep breath and feel alive once again!
John 8:36 says, "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."
Free indeed! Free at last! Jesus went to the cross and set me free! I need to only hand it over to him for complete, amazing freedom! The Son has set me free! And with help from Him through prayers and praise, I will be free indeed!
Amen!
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