What Becomes of the Broken Hearted

Tears welled up in her little eyes. She told me it was the worst day ever. She got into a fight with one of her friends at pre-kindergarten. Her best friend. I laid on the ground next to her and held her and asked her how I could help. She wrapped her arms around my neck and whispered "Mommy, I'm sad we won't be friends anymore. Please fix my broken heart." Tears then welled in my eyes. You never like to see your kids suffering. And as a mommy you want to do your best to fix their brokenness, especially if it's their heart. 

But then I paused and thought of the Ash Wednesday sermon that my pastor gave at our church. All about broken hearts. I remember listening intently after seeing the sermon topic. For, although I have come a long way in the last few years, my heart is still broken...still being mended as time passes. He spoke about wanting to fix things. He spoke about how people are always looking for the fix. We are always trying to fix things on our own. But that we need to go to God with our brokenness. That He wants to be the fixer. He wants to be he one to make it all better, just like a mommy fixing something for our children. God is the Father, wanting to fix our brokenness and take away our pain and suffering. 

I am the first to admit that I am terrible at this. I fret and worry and feel and hurt and all of those things on my own. I try and figure out how I'm going to fix things. I am constantly striving for the solution and how I am going to make everything better. And not only do I do it for myself, but I also tend to want to do it for everyone else also. I get very anxious when I cannot fix my own problems, but I also get anxious when I can't fix everyone else's problems too. When really, all I need to do is turn it over to God to fix it and make it all better. He is the one that is omniscient and omnipotent and can take care of everything. And yet, I struggle through on my own and get scared and mad and frustrated when I can't find the solution on my own. Or I can't mend my broken heart. 

Our pastor used the analogy of us fixing our own brokenness to be the same as giving your spouse a gift of a broken vase that you glued the pieces together yourself. God doesn't want that as a gift! He doesn't want a half-heartedly repaired heart bound together with tape and twine. He wants the broken pieces. He wants to see the sharp edges and the teeny broken bits and the cracks. He wants to be the one to sweep up the pieces and make you whole again. In His love and in His light. 

I am guilty of not letting this happen. I have a lot of shame for the things that have happened. I am ashamed that I am not strong enough to hold all of my pieces together. I pick up the shards and push them together and hold still and pray they don't crumble. And the temporary fix that I am capable of looks good to others. I smile and say I'm fine and press forward. I hide my tiredness behind makeup. I shove my fears to the side. I weep quickly and quietly and hide my tears. And soon something happens and I crack. The tape pulls away, the pieces crumble under the pressure and I am a broken mess once again. Because I tried to make it better for myself. That just doesn't work. 

As I sat in the pew on Ash Wednesday, did I listen? Absolutely! I was enthralled with the message that was given that night. There was a moment where everything stood still and it was the voice of God speaking directly to my heart. Listen, my child! This message is for you and only you! I try to hard to fix everything when really I should be falling at the feet of God, crying out to Jesus to fix my brokenness, begging Him to cradle me safely in His arms and fix me! Heal my wounds. Take away my pain! Wipe away my tears! Have I followed through? Nope! I still try to do everything on my own. I still think that I can fix everything. That I can right this sinking ship on my own. 

But I can't. And that is true even as I listen to Emerson ask me to fix her broken heart. I held her close that night and told her I could not fix her broken heart. That I could hold her and love her and pray with her. Pray to God for Him to heal her broken heart. Give it to God. Lay it at His feet and ask Him to make you whole again. So, she and I prayed. I prayed for little hearts to be healed and fixed by the goodness of God. And I prayed for big hearts to be healed and fixed by the goodness of God. 

So, to everyone who is broken. Or suffering. Or going through hard times. Don't fix your brokenness! Give it to God! Give Him all of your broken pieces to heal and mend and put together in the way only He knows how! He is the Master, the Creator, our Father. He knows where all if the pieces go, and exactly how they for together. So there no better one to fix us!

Prayers for healing and love and light to many! There are so many that I want to fix right now...but I will lay it at God's feet and have faith that he will fix all the broken pieces.