Here Comes the Sun

It's been raining cats and dogs (and maybe even elephants and hippos too!) the past couple weeks here in Washington. My backyard has become Duncan Pond thanks to Kubert Creek from the neighbors up the hill. Everything is drenched. Trees across the county have toppled over. Many of my friends have no power more often than they have power lately. There is water everywhere!! As of a few days ago, there's even water in my master bedroom thanks to the window leaking :/ Luckily my daddy will save the day and fix the window...as soon as it stops raining long enough to let him!  It's been a wet, soggy mess for weeks. The skies are gray, it seems like it's nighttime all day long, it's cold and wet and dreary. 

Except for a couple of mornings ago. The girls and I were hustling through our morning routine before leaving for school when suddenly, rays of sunshine were streaming in the front door window. Emerson ran into the kitchen with a huge smile on her face and yelled "Mommy! The sun is back!!" Amelia looked at her and said, "The sun never went anywhere. It's always there. It was just buried under some clouds. But it's always there, even when you can't see it." Emerson scrunched up her nose, tilted her head to the side, and asked, "So the sun is just like Jesus?" Amelia and I looked at each other and smiled and I said, "Yes, Em.  Just like Jesus."

The sun is always there, making its way around the world day to day. And even when it's cloudy and you can't see it through all the gray, it's there, waiting for the perfect break in the clouds to shine it's light on the world. 

The same is true for the other Son. Jesus. He is always there, walking His way through your day. And even when it's cloudy, and there is absolutely nothing going right, He's still there, waiting for the perfect break in your heart to shine into your life and keep you safe from the storm. 

Over my lifetime, I have seen storms. I have been to the point where I don't know what to do. I have relied on myself to fix everything. And I have failed. So I've needed helpers along the way. Helpers that have guided me down paths to get the assistance that I have needed.  I have mentioned before that I go to counseling. The person that I go to now is amazing and she is walking me through a healing process that has been eye-opening and life-changing. 

I have been stuck. And although I have taken baby steps forward, I tend to reach a point where I'm stuck. Or where I fall backwards and stumble and don't know how to keep my footing. So, being the strong and stubborn person I am, I try to pick myself up. And it just doesn't work. 

In my last session, we were walking through a few things. The sessions that we have are led by the Holy Spirit and He was leading me towards a particular life scenario that I needed to work through. I was asked "Do you see Angels?" In this particular scenario and I said "yes". She asked me where they were and I told her they were standing all around me in a circle. She asked me how that made me feel. I paused. A long time. Therapy is hard for me because there are two parts of me. The part of me that is dark and hurt and injured and dead and wanting to run away and disappear forever. And there's the part of me that wants to bury those ideas and not let anyone else know that I have those thoughts. So in my head, the latter me was formulating an answer that I thought she would want to hear. I was working on saying "I feel happy and safe and peaceful and I'm so glad they are there ." But...someone very dear to me had recently shared with me how important truth is so that healing can happen. So I looked her in the eyes and I told her "It makes me angry that they are there." In her most gentle voice she asked me why it made me angry. With tears streaming down my face I told her that I was angry they were there now, but that they couldn't be there to save me from what I had been through.  We worked through the rest of that, and eventually I realized that they were with me then also. In every single life moment, the Angels are there. And so is the Son!

Tears right now. And wanting to go back to the lies where I pretend everything is ok. Why am I sharing this? Why am I using this very personal example in my public blog? Because if I can save one person from walking down the path that I have been down, then I will share. I will share my thoughts and feelings so you know you're not alone. 

The Angels, and Jesus, and the sun...they are always there. There are things that cover them up, or things that block them out, but they are always there. Even in my darkest hours through my life. They are constant and good and warm and they are always there. I have faith that they have always been there, and will always be there. 

The sun is always there. The Son is always there. We only have to have faith that even when the clouds bury them in darkness, and the storms take over, they are there, waiting for just the right time to burst through the clouds and make everything right with the world again. The storm clouds will be there. It's not an easy path. But you are not alone in your journey. Jesus is there with you, even when you don't know He's there. Here comes the Son...to bring you peace and healing and love. Here comes the Son...