I have the best daddy in the world! He has always been there for me and he loves me and my girls so very much. There isn't anything I can't ask him to do. Put oil in my truck, more often now that it is leaking. Take my girls to dance if I have to stay late after school for a meeting. He mows my lawn for me, and talks politics with me behind mom's back. He tells funny jokes and loves to tease my friends. He had a hard life growing up and came all the way from Germany. He has survived two bouts of cancer and continues to fight with every doctor visit and blood check. He dotes on my girls and would do anything for them too. He's the best dad in the whole world! I love Father's Day because it's a chance to tell him how much we love him! Today? We get to spend it at the theater watching my girls dance. And I believe there isn't anywhere he'd rather be!
My girls are lucky to have my daddy because their own daddy chose a different path. We had a talk about Brian last night in our very tired hours after the dance recital. Amelia asked if we could skip Father's Day. Emerson asked for the second time this week "Is daddy in heaven? Because I don't think he is." And then I resent Father's Day. Too many questions that I shouldn't have to answer. Too many tears from little girls who did nothing to deserve any of this. Too many unknowns on my part to know exactly how to answer the questions they ask. I pray often that God would grant me the answers to questions that these smart little ones pose. And I believe that He does and that I am doing my best to answer their questions and help them in their grief process.
This morning scrolling through Facebook I saw a lot of Father's Day posts. Many of them were wishes that their dad were still with them and lovely poems and memes that I wish I could read to my girls. I wish I could honor their father differently, but his final days with us don't really allow that. Remembering Brian in our home brings more heartache than fondness. It brings tears and anxiety rather than comfort. When I did my check-in with Amelia last night and asked her if there was anything she needed to talk about with Father's Day coming. She looked and me and said "Why?" I told her I was just worried about her around this time and wondered if she missed her dad. She shook her head no and said "I don't really ever think about him. I have more important things to think about." And then she walked away. She paused and turned and smiled at me and said, "Besides, I can't be sad! Look at all the dads and grandpas that we have that have stepped up to help us! AND,
I have the perfect Father in Heaven. He loves me and is there for me always. He'll never leave me and He'll never hurt me. He never asks for anything and I'm always just enough with him! So I'm really good mommy!"
Oh my beautiful, sweet girl! She teaches me and reminds me of more than she'll ever know! She is right! Not only is God the perfect Father, but he has also gifted us with the most amazing men in our lives. These men are made in His image. They are kind and loving and faithful and won't hurt us. They are gentle and funny and are there for any of us. And every day we have our Heavenly Father. And if Amelia knows and can share all of that with me and be confident in her position as a daughter of the King, then we can too!
So Happy Father's Day to all of the amazing dads out there! And Happy Father's Day to the dads who aren't with us anymore! And Happy Father's Day to Brian! Because he gave me two beautiful daughters to love and do life with, and that is the best thing he could have done for me.
And above all, Happy Father's Day to our perfect Father, God in heaven! Thank you for being that perfect example of a daddy, and loving us always!
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