Many of the problem-solving instances that I run into with my students happens to revolve around perspective. People with Autism have a very difficult time taking the perspective of another person. They are highly egocentric, only thinking about themselves and their opinions. Many arguments and misunderstandings start because they cannot see the side of the other person.
This is not exclusive to my special education children. I was witness to a few experiences today where perspective was lost on one side of the argument. I'm not sure whether to feel horrible that our society doesn't get perspective or get excited because that is job security for me. Perspective is so important!
We all fall into this trap from time to time. For example, a few weeks ago, a friend of mine posted on Facebook how wonderful their trip to Sequim had been. What a lovely town and such wonderful people and how they couldn't wait to go back. I reacted poorly and commented with "Yuck!" And the emoji with the mask over his face. Eventually I pulled my comment, apologized to the original poster, and explained my reaction. Sequim is where my husband was from. It does not hold fond memories for me anymore, but rather is an emotional trigger for me and all the stuff we went through. I still can't easily bring myself to even drive Highway 3 north towards Poulsbo. I can feel myself slipping into a PTSD reaction before I've even hit the second Poulsbo exit. Perspective...
Our history or our experiences or our human nature shapes our perspectives. Our reactions to situations are typically based on something that we have already been through. Watching a very angry dad this morning in the school office, I started thinking about this blog post and perspectives. The office had one side of the story. The dad felt another side was true. His perspective was different from that of the office staff. What experiences had he been through that shaped his reaction this morning?
Reactions in typically developing people form perspective differences are usually benign. Often there is an agreement that there was a misunderstanding and life goes on. Sometimes even there's laughter at how silly the shift was. But add in someone with circumstances that make the reaction volitile and people are left in the aftermath. Autism spectrum is only one thing that can alter reactions to a situation. Difficult past. Rough childhood. Distrust of leaders. Being burned before. There's a lot that goes into shaping our perspective. This does not excuse our reactions. My philosophy with my students and with others is to always BE KIND! Be kind! Don't fly off the handle without the facts. Don't get upset without listening to the other side. Don't react poorly to something just because your experience is something different. I apologized to my friend who I blasted about Sequim. That was a knee jerk reaction that I imagine took away a little piece of her fun and enjoyment of sharing her weekend.
This is not much different from our spiritual walk. Walking a faith journey with God is filled with circumstances and history. We are shaped in our walk by my many things that alter our perspectives. What religion we grew up with. Who pushed something on is that we weren't interested in hearing. The doctrines that we were taught growing up. My perspectives as a life-long Lutheran have shaped me into who I am and what I believe today. But as I continue to stretch and grow in my faith, I am starting to see those perspectives and how they come into play with my beliefs. Things that make me worry about praying. Things that make me feel like I'm not worthy of gifts from my Father. Things I've learned that alter the basis for my last 38 years of beliefs. The bottom line? The only perspective that matters in all of that mess is my Heavenly Father's. He loves me. No matter what I try to do to mess things up, He loves me. He sent His Son to die on a cross for me and He loves me. That is the only perspective I need.
So when bad things are happening all around you, people are terrible, and you feel like the whole world is against you, first know that there are other perspectives involved in the situation. Those perspectives, whether right or wrong, shape people into who or what they are fighting for. So my first piece of advice goes back to something I say often. Be kind...for we are all fighting battles no one knows anything about. And my next piece of advice is to remember the One that loves you more than anything. Who has the perspective that you an amazing creation. Who has your plans for your future laid out. Who is cradling you and loving you through life, even the days where going on does not seem like an option.
Keep going. Be kind. Don't let the evil and darkness win. We are all fighting battles. Even the other guy so forgive them and pray for them and know that you tried your best in a difficult situation. Perspectives...sometimes you wouldn't want to know what is shaping theirs...
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