There's a Tree...

When I have something that weighs heavy on my heart and soul and mind, I have a tendency to take it out on my sleep. I don't sleep well when I am dealing with things. It just doesn't happen. I mull it over and stew and think and pray and read and plead with God. All. Night. Long. When stuff happened with Brian I developed the habit of pacing. I pace around my house all night long sometimes, talking to myself, praying to God, as if walking 100 miles a night is going to get me closer to the solutions I so desperately want. 

Last night was a pacing night. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't shut off my brain. I couldn't stop the flow of tears that washed over me and over me again. So I paced. And prayed. And cried. And asked God to take control of the situation that I am struggling with. 

As I was pacing my house a voice encouraged me to pause by my front entryway. In my entryway, hanging on the wall, are four signs that I bought after Brian died, to remind me of the virtues I felt were strong in my home and in my family. One is a picture of a nest that says  "The home is a nest where love is found to be." The next, a bird, that declares "To our children we give two things, one is roots and the other is wings." One with a tree on it tells us "The tree will always be there for the family tree is home." And the last, a close up view of birch trees that reads, "Our family tree thrives in strength and love. With every bud and every branch the tree grows. Every joy shared adds more love and every storm faced together only makes the tree grow stronger."

My family tree. I come from a long line of amazing people. They have been strong in adversity. They have fought hard battles to survive life as it comes at them. They are a family of wise, strong, courageous people. 

My personal family tree branches off of those people. The three women that live in my household, our tree is also strong. We have deep roots that press down into our Lord and Savior. We have that foundational root system that grows deep. Our little tree of three has many branches to it. My parents. My sister and her family. They love us and they bolster our tree with branches to make us grow big and strong. 

Then there are the branches that have been grafted to our tree. Friends and loved ones that have become more than just friends and loved ones. People that have been accepted and absorbed by our tree. People that have withstood the storms in our life that have made us stronger. People that mean the world to us. That love us and know us and want what is best for us. People that have put solid roots down next to us to hold us upright when life got super stormy. 

When I was growing up, our favorite days were spent camping at Kalaloch. We would wake up on any given day of our vacation and walk far, far down the beach as a family. Oftentimes we would walk so far we'd get caught by the tide and have to spend the day swimming and playing in the secret cove that was just ours. On the walk, my mama and I would walk together and hold hands and sing. We loved to sing and harmonize together. One of our favorite songs was a song by country artist Tanya Tucker called "Strong Enough to Bend." The song starts out with these words:

"There's a tree out in the backyard 

That never has been broken by the wind. 

And the reason it's still standing 

It was strong enough to bend."

Strong enough to bend. My tree, bolstered by the love and faith and peace and hope of family and friends was strong enough to bend. My tree, deeply rooted in love and faith and peace and hope in my Heavenly Father was strong enough to bend. We didn't break. We didn't topple over. We were strong enough to bend. 

The current situation that I am facing has me pacing again. And God has me watching the walls for messages from Him. This message was important. This message feeds right into the motto we have developed: Stronger Everyday! Our roots and branches are being blown and buffeted, twisted and tangled by the fierce storm that is upon us at this time. We cling to each other and cling to Father God and pray that we can outlast the storm. But we will! God will see to it that we do! Because He has walked us down paths in a journey that we wouldn't wish on anyone. Step by step He was there conducting our dance through evil and pain and heartache. And He is here, doing the same for this round of evil and pain and heartache too. 

But our message in the mess? We are strong enough to bend! We are strong in the Lord! And we are STRONGER EVERYDAY!!

Love, blessings, and strength to bend to all of my family and friends. No matter what you're going through, let me plant myself next to you, bolster you up, and help you ride out the storm. Stronger Everyday!