My phone upgraded about a week ago in the middle of the night. I didn't want it to. And I was even more mad when I went to write a blog post, and found out that the Blogger app is no longer compatible with my new iPhone upgrade. What?! I don't blog on the computer. I blog on my phone. When Father God tells me it's time to write, I grab my phone and write. And although I do own a computer, God seems to have a sense of humor when it's time to write, and it's not usually when and where I have access to my computer. So, I have access to my computer right now. I was scrolling through Facebook, and messaging friends, and e-mailing family. And I heard..."Uhh...how about you blog since you're sitting there. No excuses, Duncan!" So...here I sit in front of the computer, blogging. I hope it flows as well as it does when I'm on my phone app. My OCD is showing maybe!
A Lamp Unto my Feet...that title was given to me a week ago, the morning of the big upgrade. I knew what I was supposed to write about and I grabbed my phone, only to have my app shut down on me a few times. Then, a courtesy pop-up on my phone, telling me that my Blogger app wasn't compatible. So, I've had a few opportunities to think about this blog over the week. And tweak it and stew about it and write it over and over in my mind. So, I sit here in front of the computer, ready to roll.
Saturday, November 5th, was just another Saturday. We had Nutcracker rehearsal at the dance school. When we were finished, I came home and ran 5 miles, cooked dinner, and cleaned up my kitchen. I remembered that there were some dishes from a snack I had made the girls on the living room table so I walked through my kitchen towards the dining room, stepping over the box that I had just unloaded the contents of into my freezer. I didn't see the coat on the floor on the other side of the box, stepped on it, slipped, and ended up on the ground in the entryway to my back door. I laid there, trying to assess the damage to myself. A shoe jabbing into my side. My ribs seems fine. Fully landing on my already weird hip joint. I could move my leg perfectly, although it was sore. I seemed ok. I mustered up the energy to stand up when I felt searing pain in my right foot. I hobbled to a chair, took off my shoe, and knew something was wrong. Long story short, I broke my foot. A few x-rays, a boot and crutches, and a specialist later, I now know my foot requires surgery.
I have tried to maintain a positive outlook through this experience. It's not a big deal. It's just a foot. It could be so much worse. I'll be FINE! But there are moments of frustration. The hassle of using crutches or a walker or just having to sit. The pain each time I take my foot in and out of my boot. The fear and slight panic of having to have surgery done. The constant reminder in my bedroom of a treadmill that is sitting idle, after all of my hard work and dedication to a healthier me. The loss that I feel for that piece seems to get stronger as the days pass.
But I know that God has led me to this moment for a reason. He has prepared me for this moment, and has laid out a plan for me. For the last few weeks, I have clearly heard the message BE STILL! It has been whispered into my ear, placed all over Facebook posts and memes, written on pictures on walls of places I have been. And I would smile and nod my head and say, "Yes, I know. Be still!" But I didn't do anything to make myself still necessarily. This has made me slow down, even if for a few moments in time.
My Grandma Kubert's favorite verse was Psalm 119:105: Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. To this day, when we sing this song in church, my dad's eyes well up with tears as he remembers his momma. I have done a lot of reading devotionals and reading the Bible and praying lately. And not being able to do much and having to be still in a chair for a while has only worked to increase this habit. And it is so true! Everything that I am going through, everything that the people I love are going through, has an answer in His word. And God provides us those answers and insights at the exact moment that we need them, a light unto our paths. The journey that I have been on over the last few years has led us to certain moments in our lives, and I can look back and see these moments for what they are - lessons and blessings from Our Heavenly Father as He guides me down the path for my life. And this little broken foot? This is no different! There is a message in this mess. There is a lesson for me in this situation. God uses everything that we go through for His good! There is something good that is going to come out of this test also! A testimony for others? Maybe! A message for someone that is struggling? Perhaps! But I already can see the writing on the wall for me as I read through that Psalm one more time. "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."
I needed God to shine the light on my path that day. I needed to know there was a danger to me on the other side of that box. I needed His light to illuminate the coat that I was about to slip on. If I had just slowed down. If I had walked around the box instead of hurdling over it. If I had broken down the box and kept the path clear in the first place. God is showing us each and every day the messages that He has, the promises that He provides, and the light that He illuminates our paths with. It's up to us to slow down, be still, pay attention, and notice His good word and good works all around us.
Times are tough for so many right now. My prayer list is bursting at the seams with hurting, helpless, and hopeless people. But, the good news is right in front of us! So many times each and every day, I am led to God's word for direct words, direct instruction, direct prayers that are given to us by our Heavenly Father. We only need to stop and look and see what He has done and what He has given us. I am left in awe and shaking my head sometimes at the wonder and beauty of His timing and His messages. I might be struggling with something in my day, and I hear a verse, or I see a devotional and it's exactly what I need to hear at that moment. I'm having doubts and the tears are falling freely, and I hear a song on the radio, reminding me of the strength and courage that only he provides. I'm frustrated with seeing my treadmill collecting dust and all of the work that I put into getting myself to where I am today. And he reminds me how much harder crutches would be with 60 extra pounds on my body. Or how much harder this recovery and process would be if I hadn't been in such good shape when it happened. The last time I had surgery I was fat and sick and tired. The doctor called me in to do an evaluation on my throat and my neck because they thought I was too fat to have the surgery that I needed. I was humiliated, but not enough to do anything about it. This time? There was no questioning whether or not I could have the surgery. People are telling me to slow down on my crutches. I am strong and powerful and resilient and I will get through this! And, before you know it, I will be back on Week 1, Day 1 of my couch to 5K app, and I'll be back to the person that I have grown to love!
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. I know the way that I need to take! God clearly marks out every step He has in mind for me! And as long as I am obedient to Him, I will walk with confidence and joy in His promises. I know that path that he has me on! I can clearly see the destination that He has in mind for me. And I am walking this path, one step at a time...just maybe on crutches for a while...
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