Life is a funny thing. So many things happen that remind us that tomorrow is not promised. Something as simple as foot surgery a few weeks ago brought mortality to the forefront of my mind. As we did the pre-surgery checklist, they asked me if I had a living will, asked what religion I was and if I wanted a pastor called if anything went wrong, asked who my next of kin was. All of those questions bring about thinking about the "what ifs" and "what would happens." Having gone through the experience of Brian killing himself, and not having a will in place for either one of us, and the hassle that brought on to me, I accomplished those tasks for myself shortly after his death, especially knowing that I was the last one around responsible for my daughters. So, yes I have a living will, and yes I have a last will and testament. And, since I have you as a captive audience, please take the time to get those things done and in place! It always seemed like something that was so far off in the distance, and yet in the blink of an eye, my husband was dead and I was left to pick up the pieces. Without those pieces in place, it was much more difficult to get through that process. So, my public service announcement is GET IT DONE!
There was a time in my life that I worried a lot about the future. I worried about what tomorrow would bring. I worried about what would happen. I worried about my children and my family and my friends. I worried about them getting sick or dying or being one more person that would leave me behind here on this earth. My heart would break into a million pieces each time the phone rang with bad news. I carried that burden so heavily. Losing Brian was a huge blow for me, even though I can see the blessings of that process, it was still a moment that sucked the wind out of my sails, and left me shaken and feeling so alone and uncertain.
Then the call about Tom having cancer. My other dad and the friend that had been a part of my life for so many years had lung cancer. And before I knew it, they were telling us he only had a couple months and I couldn't believe it. Flashbacks and worrying and anxiety filled my heart and my head and I was beside myself with fear and worry. I didn't know what I would do. I couldn't believe that I was losing another person, another member of my family.
Fast-forward a couple years and here I am once again, facing the diagnosis of a friend who is more like family. A brain tumor. Inoperable. We'll try this, but there's not much we can do. And in the beginning of October, I felt the same waves of panic and worry and anxiety and helplessness. I can't do this again. I can't go through this and lose another person that is oh so close to my heart. I wanted to run and panic and stomp my feet, and there are still days that I want to do that, but this time, things are different. Things are different because I have a friend and a prayer partner that I get to walk this journey with. We get to listen to what the doctors tell us, and know that Our God is much more powerful than any of the doctors and what they tell us. We can hear the diagnoses and the prognoses of the doctors and choose to believe God's word instead. That God can heal Clay.
God has filled my heart and my soul and my mind with peace and hope and love and faith. Those four pillars, those four attributes of Christian life are carrying us through this journey and things are different. God doesn't want us to worry about tomorrow. In fact, he tells us that in Matthew 6:34 which says, "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." We are not supposed to worry about tomorrow. Today has enough worries of its own, but He doesn't want us to worry about today either! He doesn't want us to worry at all, because He has got us! He is carrying us through today too!
Philippians 4:6-7 is one passage in the Bible where God tells us not to worry. It says, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Do not worry. There are over 300 times in the Bible that God tells us not to worry! We are not supposed to worry. We are supposed to trust in His divine plan for our lives.
So, that is how I am choosing to live in this moment. My friend, and other dad, Clay, finished his last radiation and chemotherapy treatment today for a glioblastoma tumor in his brain. I will admit that I have been a wreck for parts of this journey, but I am finding myself stronger everyday, as he is also finding himself stronger everyday. We are choosing to not worry, but to pray instead. We are choosing to turn to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in this journey, and to walk each other through this time with faith and love and peace and hope. And prayer! We are fighting this tumor with prayer and petition to God, our Father. God is in control of this journey! And He has promised us TODAY.
Watching Clay and Melody and their faith on this journey has been miraculous and inspirational. They are taking one day at a time, to live for Christ, to live as a testimony to Him and His plan for their lives. And I am humbled and honored to be on this journey with them. We are celebrating the life and time that Jesus gives us each day. And I am choosing to reflect that in my own life. The day that we wake up is the day that God has promised to us. So, we live the day that we are in to the fullest, and we don't worry about what is going to happen tomorrow. We pray, and we love, and we live to the fullest the day that we are in!
We also pray for complete healing for all of us! Healing of a broken bone in my foot. Healing of a cough that Amelia has picked up because, of course, it's Christmas break so one of us should be sick. Healing of soul wounds that we all pick up on this journey called life. Healing of a glioblastoma tumor in a brain. Our Heavenly Father is so very capable of healing all of these! And we have faith that He will show His healing miracles to each and every one of us, no matter how big or small our concerns are! God is the God of miracles, and He wants us all to be able to perform in His kingdom!
So, I ask that you pause for today, for this second right now that you are reading this blog post, and pray! Pray for healing for whatever attacks and assaults the enemy is producing in your lives. Pray for deliverance from these difficulties. Pray for healing for your hearts and your souls and your bodies. Pray for healing for Clay Maxim, that God would dissolve the tumor in his brain and bring Him to complete restoration to function the way God intended for him to function.
Pray for healing for you and your life. That God would remind you to live for today. Live in the present moment. Don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow brings trouble of its own. Just live in today. Tomorrow may not come...tomorrow may never come. Tomorrow didn't come for Brian. Tomorrow didn't come for Tom. Tomorrow may not come for us. So, live for today! Live for the miracles that God grants us today! Live for faith and hope and peace and love. Live to get stronger everyday! Live for the joy that God grants us in today! So many blessings abound in each moment of each day! Pause to look for those moments! Pause to look for those blessings! Pause to pray for those blessings! Find a prayer partner to share in those moments, a friend, a bestie, someone you can share your walk with! And pray for today.
Tomorrow may never come and when I think too far into that, that is where my worry and my angst begin, and those thoughts and feelings are not from God. So, I turn my mind to today. Tomorrow may never come, but I'm not thinking about that. I'm too busy loving and living for today! Loving the people that God blessed me with, and enjoying the minutes of today where I get to hold them and love them and pray for them. If tomorrow never comes...that's OK because I know that I lived for today...
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