All or Nothing...

There was a conversation a few weeks ago in my Weight Watchers meeting. We talked about all of the self-defeating things that we do to sabotage our weight loss journey. There's the "I'll start paying attention to what I eat on Monday" attitude. And Monday never quite comes... Or there's the "well I blew it at lunch today so I should probably just keep eating for today" attitude. And soon that logic is carrying you all the way to 280 pounds or more. But there was one in particular that resonated with me. One that I think has sabotaged me on many journeys, not only to getting healthy but other areas in my life. The all or nothing principle. I am a goal oriented person and once I have a goal in mind, I will accomplish it. But, if there's a point where I go off plan or a point where something doesn't go the way I think it should, I get mad and throw in the towel. It's all or nothing. Either I don't eat any ice cream, or I'm going to eat the whole 1/2 gallon. Either I'm going to run the entire mile at the fastest speed possible, or I'm not going to run at all. This has been my sabotaging factor in the past. 

With this last round of getting more fit and losing weight, I have worked hard at not making it an all or nothing. I have allowed myself the occasional Big Mac. I still eat chips. In fact, when I finish this blog post, I am ordering pizza! Because it's about small changes. Moderation. Not giving in to the all or nothing that usually gets me. 

And the fitness portion of my journey is also changing. It's not all or nothing. I signed up for a Couch to 5K program, but was afraid that I would be so stuck on the structure of the routine that I would quit when I couldn't do the next step. It's an 8-week program, to take you from being a couch potato to running a 5K, which is 3.107 miles. I'm thinking that their couch potato didn't include an almost 280 pound spud. But rather than throw in the towel when it got too difficult, I've repeated weeks. I'm on week eight right now. I should be running a 5K, right? I just finished week four, and got my "badge" for being halfway there. I'm halfway to running a 5K. And I still sobbed with tears of joy and pride when I saw that badge. Small changes. Running or walking no matter how tired I am. Not giving in to the all or nothing that usually gets me. 

The same principle could be applied to the spiritual journey I am also currently on. All or nothing. What should I be doing? I should be studying my Bible every day. Taking communion. Going to church every Sunday. Walking through my day in prayer. I should be asking myself if the activities that I participate in are Godly. Are they good for my mind and my soul and my spirit? I should be in constant prayer and conversation with God. I should be fasting and cleansing my life and following the commandments. I should not be swearing at others when I'm in traffic. I should not be listening to certain types of music. I should not be watching shows that I watch.

So, I am not doing any of those things right. I don't pray when I should. I really look forward to sleeping in on the occasional Sunday instead of going to church. And the way traffic is lately there is no way that I'm not going to be contributing to a swear jar if we had one of those. 

I should just give up, right? All or nothing, right? God expects perfection in following Him and I am failing. So Nevermind!

Wrong! God expects sinners! God expects me to swear. God knows I love Blink 182. God knows that the scandals and sex lives of Grey's Anatomy make me smile. He knows that I am perfectly imperfect. I forget to read my Bible. I often run to friends instead of turning to Him first in troubles. That's what this season of Lent is all about. Sinners. Imperfect, swearing, Bible-forgetting sinners.

Does this give me free license to do whatever I want to do? No. It shouldn't. It should help me pause to think about what I need to be doing better. Amelia and I have had many conversations about this. The shows that are available to children these days are terrible. Scooby Doo isn't the same show I watched when I was a kid. There are scary, demonic characters that make even me uncomfortable. So Amelia and I have started discussing these things out loud. "What would God think about you watching this show? Is it something that He would want for you?" I was satisfied with this method, until my smart 8-year-old turned the tables on me the other day. "What would God think about you watching Gray's Anatomy?" I paused. There are certainly many themes and many shows that are not pleasing to God. So, where is the line?

In prayers and conversations with God, I have come to the conclusion that faith does not have to be all or nothing. It shouldn't be! All or nothing sets you up to sabotage even your spiritual journey. I have made so many amazing changes in my faith and prayer life. I am proud of the changes I've made and I'm at peace with where I am going in my faith. I do pause to think "is this something that will honor God or bring me further in my walk with Him" and sometimes the answer is honestly no. Do I do it anyways? For now? I do! And I know that God loves me and forgives me as the perfect sinful mess that I am. I continue to take those baby steps forward with Him. I continue to grow in my faith. And I continue to learn about this journey and this process. 

It can't be all or nothing! That sets us up for failure and negative feelings about faith and religion. Do the best that you can. Have faith! Repent your sins! Walk with Him! Be kind! Read your Bible and pray.  Make little changes. Don't sprint out of the gate for this race. Run for endurance and run to win!

I'm still going to watch Grey's Anatomy. My girls are still going to enjoy dressing up as wicked witches and pirates and dragons. And I can't wait to read Harry Potter books to them one day. But we will always bring it back to our Heavenly Father. And how He is our Lord and Savior and that we give all honor and praise to Him alone. Growing in our faith! Not all or nothing. But baby steps to success!