Worst Case Scenario...

There are several pieces of me that are really good at coming up with worst case scenarios. There's the anxiety side that generates wild stories like during the time I lost Amelia in the crowd for a while at Seahawks Training Camp. She had started walking down towards the fence to get player autographs and I blinked for a second and I couldn't see her anymore. My eyes wildly searched the massive crowd of children below while I ran over to my friend to help me search. I walked up and down the crowd of people, my heart racing, and I began to cry, visualizing someone running down the hill with her or seeing her being crushed and trampled under the feet of the crowd. I was near hysterics when I looked up and saw her crooked little grin pushing through the crowd, holding her football and beaming, "Mom! I got Ricardo Lockette's autograph." When she saw I was crying and asked what was wrong I just hugged her and cried some more. She pulled away and side-eyed me and said, "Mommy! Seriously? I was just getting autographs!"

There's the post-traumatic stress disorder side of my that can also conjure up some wild, unsettling images. Smelling a certain cologne can make my heart race. Seeing a certain car makes it hard to breathe. Specific dates and times can make me fly into a panic attack. Worst case scenarios fly all over the place. 

So, why can't I use those talents for good? What does that mean? Well, I got the idea for this blog on my run today. Well, technically before my run today. I clicked on my running app and it wouldn't open. My first thought was panic. Oh no! What am I going to do? Emerson asked me what was wrong and I told her my app wouldn't open. Amelia grinned and said "Oh good! You don't have to run!" But I turned my phone off and opened the blinds in my room to give it time. And then I heard a voice. "You were worried! You want to run. Maybe you even like it?!" 

This voice made me stop and think about my last run. Remember my last run? It was terrible. I stopped twice in the middle of a twenty minute run and couldn't make it all the way through. I realized that on top of all the other changes I had made to my routine that day, I also didn't start with my usual prayer time before. This morning I did...and then I began my run. And this blog post flooded into my head. 

Worst case scenario. I've written often about my anxiety with running. And the tricks I've used to get around that anxiety. So, why am I so anxious? What's the worst that could happen? What's the worst case scenario? 

Worst case scenario: I'm still trying! I'm still moving! I'm still lapping everyone that's on the couch. 

Worst case scenario: I get exercise in no matter how far or how fast I walk or run. 

Worst case scenario: I pause my workout to breathe and learn that I can take care of myself and check in to make sure I'm feeling ok and still run for twenty minutes. Even if it's not twenty minutes straight.

Worst case scenario: My kids are seeing what their momma is capable of doing and they are seeing that they can exercise and be healthy too!

Those worst case scenarios are so much better than the anxiety-fueled ones. I can see the positive twist and I am proud of what I've accomplished. And that little voice was right! I panicked that I wouldn't be able to run! Not that I couldn't run without my app (that's another blog post for another day!) but I did panic that I couldn't run. I do enjoy it. I like how I feel when I'm running. I also really like how I feel when I'm done running!

I'm slowly learning not to live in the worst case scenarios. Father God walks with me, and runs with me, along this journey called life. He is always with me, and always with my children, and I need to have faith that He has us in the palm of His hand. He carries us through the bad runs and the lost in the crowd moments and He will care for us. I have faith that we don't need to worry about the worst case scenario because He's got this! He's got us! And when God is on our side, there is only a best case scenario in our future! Thank you, Father!!