Everybody Hurts...

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxieties upon the Lord, for He cares for you.

There are many, many things that are not in the rules or instructions for being a parent. Some things I think should be added: Knowing how to react when your child goes back for their first surgery. What to do when they tell you they stuck a rock up their nose. What your next step should be when your threat doesn't stop the in-public tantrum that is looming. 

I wish there was a handbook of some sort. A reference guide for what to do in certain difficult situations. I met a situation, again, that I prayed for a script for. Some canned statement I could have read to guide me through. For the second time in my career as a mom, I had to tell one of my daughters, that their father killed himself. 

This isn't exactly something that you can prepare for. It's not something that you can practice. It's not something you can brace yourself for. The nausea and heartache that came three years ago when I told Amelia is the same nausea and heartache that came yesterday afternoon when I told Emerson. The worry about how she would react. The fear of what if they think suicide is an easy fix to their problems. The look of horror and confusion and sadness of their little faces as the words "your daddy killed himself" flow from my lips will forever be burned into my memory. And then, Emerson's first reaction: "Well, did he believe in Jesus?" This reaction paralleled Amelia's "why didn't he just pray?" so well. Relief in my heart as I realize that my precious little girls are firmly in the grasp of our Heavenly Father through this journey of life. Their confusion and sadness is because they don't understand why their dad didn't just turn to our Comforter and Savior. And their hope comes from knowing that they can, and will, turn to Him. 

The relief of it being out in the open for all three of us flowed through our evening. Conversation turned back around to Brian and how he chose to end his life throughout the night and weaved in and out of our words. We talked about him. We talked about how it is ok to miss him. It's ok to miss not having a daddy. 

And we talked about how much it hurt. It hurt knowing he chose to die rather than to live with us. We talked about how much it hurt to not know him. We talked about how much it hurt everyone around us. How we hurt and they hurt and how daddy must have been hurting to think that was his best option. And then, I brought it back to our family motto of be kind. And how everyone is hurting. Maybe not with a suicide, but that everyone in our lives has some hurt they are carrying. Cancer. Divorce. Death. Sickness. Mental illness. Suicide. Homelessness. The list is long and staggering. 

And then, I told my girls that right now, tonight, at this moment, we have two choices. We can let evil win. We can let this impact us for the rest of our lives. We can let it fester and grow and eat us alive to where we are mean and nasty and depressed and can't handle life at all. Or, we can search for the message in our mess. We can be kind and love others and show people that we are strong in our Lord. We can be an example to others who are hurting that they can make it through. We can grow and pray and change hearts and change minds through our situation. The girls both agreed that they liked the second option better. 

Does this mean we ignore the sadness and pain? Nope. In the events of yesterday, it is like picking a scab off of our hearts. It is like reopening the grief wound and starting the blood flow all over again. Tears fell freely last night. All night. Nightmares happened that we prayed through. Grief is happening all over again in my household right now as we grieve the loss of Brian. As we grieve the loss of our family. As we grieve the loss of our future. But, we turn to God and give Him our cares. We turn to our family and friends to love us and support us through just another valley on the grief journey. We cry together and we hold each other and we talk about stuff. And we hold hands and move forward as daughters of the King. Stronger everyday. Lives filled with peace and hope and faith and love. 

Everybody hurts. We all carry stuff. But that just means that we "get" it. And we can help each other on this journey of life. What sadness are you holding in? What grief are you carrying? How can the Duncan girls help you? How can we pray for you?

Everybody hurts...just know you're not alone! And we are for sure people you can reach out to! You want to experience something amazing? Have a deep conversation with my 7- and 10-year-old about grief. About death. About life and living! Amelia and Emerson are strongly rooted in their faith. They are strongly rooted in friends and family. They are strongly rooted in their belief. This is simply a bump in our road, and just like always, with God on our side, we'll come out of this even stronger! Stronger in faith! Stronger in family! Stronger in the Lord!