One More Light...

John 1:5 "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it..."

When Brian and I were looking at building or buying a home, there were several things that I was looking for. Since he was making me get a manufactured home, I had a specific list of details I was looking for. When we found the model that we ended up purchasing, one of the best features to me was the high ceilings. I loved how open everything looked in the living spaces with the high ceilings. Many people who visit our home comment on how huge it looks on the inside verses the outside. I love my high ceilings.

Until recently...

There is a difficulty with having high ceilings. Changing the light bulbs...it takes quite a bit of effort to change the lightbulbs, usually involving a delicate balancing game on a ladder, or on a counter, or on another random piece of furniture. So when a lightbulb goes out it takes more than just a simple effort to complete the task. 

So, lately, I have taken to not changing them. Call it laziness or apathy or not needing light since it stays light until at least 9:00. But one by one, the lights in my house are burning out. It started out as one in Amelia's bedroom. "That's ok. There's two bulbs in that fixture." Then one in my bedroom. Three in the guest bathroom. The second one in Amelia's room. "I'll change it later. You're not in there that often anyways." Two in the hallway. The light on the porch. They are slowly going out one at a time. And until this blog post was delivered to me by Father God on my afternoon run yesterday, I really still didn't care. 

One light at a time sneaks up on you. It is just one light here or there. And there are other lights we can use. But suddenly, before you realize what is happening, you're in the dark. And you are lost and can't see and struggling and scared. Panicked that the darkness will swallow you whole.  No light to even change the bulbs that have flickered out. 

This is how anxiety and depression and PTSD and other mental illness works also. This is how Satan tangles you in his grasp. One light at a time is slowly extinguished. One light burns out and before you know it, you are dangerously close to being swallowed by the darkness. Life is good and you are moving forward and strong and growing. And then one light goes out. One negative thought enters your head. I'm not good enough. I have no friends. No one would miss me. No one cares. 

Then that leads to another light going out. I mess up everything I touch. I'll never get it right. I'm so worthless. 

Before you know it you are in complete darkness. Unsure of how to change the bulbs. Not able to find enough light to see at all. 

This is a reality that is hard for me to admit in a public forum such as this, but I also see the importance of doing so because I understand that I am not the only one out there that is walking through this journey of life. Not the only one that needs help changing out the lightbulbs.  People are struggling all over the place. There is so much sadness and so much heartache. Lightbulbs are going out one at a time and people don't know how to pull themselves out of the darkness. 

Things are good and life is stable for me. I have been growing in my faith and growing in my health and fitness and growing as a person. And Satan doesn't like that. So, then something happens. It could be one little thing. A friend doesn't message back. Your kids gets upset at you. You feel like you failed at a task. A light goes out. But you ignore it because it's just one little thing. Not a big deal. Then something else happens and you convince yourself that two events make a pattern. It must be me. Another light goes out. But you ignore it because there are other lights. Other fixtures. And before you know it, you are sitting in the darkness and overwhelmed and everything you have shoved down and ignored comes flooding to the surface and you are panicked and terrified and drowning. 

I am so very lucky. I have a prayer partner and friends and family that can simply look at me and realize that a light has gone out. That I am close to being in the darkness. So they help me change my lightbulbs and bring myself back to the strong, confident, faithful person that I am. 

Linkin Park released a new song recently called One More Light. In this song they sing,"Who cares if one more light goes out in the sky of a million stars...Well, I do..." one lightbulb going out can be the catalyst to being thrown into darkness. But one friend, one family member, one prayer can throw the light back on and drive out the darkness. 

I care. I care if one more light goes out. I can't stand to see anyone else hurting. Anyone else going through a hard time. I try and look for people who are losing their light and walking in the darkness. And I am blessed to have people to watch for my lights going out also. 

So, this week, I'm going to buy lightbulbs and change the bulbs in my house. To take the first step to walking out of the darkness and into the light. And I am working on the same for my faith walk and my mental health. I am putting the lightbulbs back in place and choosing light over darkness. I encourage you to check your own lights. Don't live in denial. Don't ignore the bulbs going out. Because suddenly you'll be in darkness. But no matter how far into the darkness you are, know there is help. There are people who love you. There are people that would miss you. And, even more importantly, there is a God in Heaven that loves and cares for you oh so very much! He is always there with you, in the light and in the darkness. Ready and waiting to walk you out of the darkness and into His marvelous light! 

May God bless all of those people who thought there was no way out of the darkness. Who didn't know there's always an option to put the light back on, or have someone help them find the light again. 

I am so grateful for my lightbulb changers...so thankful to Father God for never giving up on me. For cradling me in His loving arms and walking me through the darkness to people and places that help me open the doors and replace the burnt out bulbs. I am blessed. I am so blessed...

I posted Linkin Park's video below. Watch it. It's a beautiful song. Rest In Peace, Chester...one more light gone...

If you'd like to read more of my blog posts you can check out my blog at www.justonemorethingmommy.blogspot.com