They were my pride and joy. When I was first hired by the school district back in 2002, the first thing I purchased after signing my contract was my shiny red truck. A year later I purchased my babies: two white and maroon 2003 SeaDoo GTX 4-Tec jet skis. They were gorgeous. And they were mine. Everyone asked if I was sure I wanted to buy two of them. I was sure. One for me and one for my friends. I didn't want to go alone, but I didn't want to share either. We hauled those things everywhere. Seabeck. Lion's Field. Several locations along the Columbia River. Mossyrock. Eastern Washington. They were my favorite toys.
When I met Brian he and I took them on a trip or two together. Amelia was born and our first trip with her was to Mossyrock. She rode on them with my dad. I just knew she was going to be our little water baby. We were going to raise our kids on the water and they would learn to love the water as much as their momma.
I do love the water. My soul is tied to the water. From the time I was little, my momma had me in the water. We had a pool in our backyard. I have amazing memories of camping and swimming in rivers and streams, lakes and the ocean. We planned our trips around our favorite swimming holes. I remember walking along the beach at Kalaloch and feeling my heart soar. I loved the water. The crashing of the waves upon the shore. The sound of a river swirling and twirling around the boulders on its course onward. The rhythmic pulse of water. And I still love these things.
When we got the SeaDoos my heart became even more attached to the water. Being on those is like flying on the water. The boats plane as you get up to speed and they glide across the top of the water. The temperature changes as you make your way up a waterway. The waves lapping the hull of the boat. Seals poking their head out of the water in curiosity. The wide, beautiful expanse of the sky reflecting off of the wide, beautiful expanse of the water below you. Being near the water brings me closer to God. Being on the water and I'm right in heaven with Him.
Brian and I took Amelia with us to Mossyrock in the summer of 2009 with the rest of our friends and family. He died in October 2010. And the SeaDoos sat...
It wasn't that being on them brought too many painful memories. Brian and I hadn't had much time on them together. Stuff got in the way. Grief. Raising two babies alone. Seizures. More grief. Other things became priorities for me. And the SeaDoos sat...
This past summer, I'm not certain what spurred me to do it, but I took the online boaters course since I needed a license to drive a boat now. I walked up to my parents yard where my SeaDoos were parked and made the decision that they weren't going to sit anymore. I called to get them in for service. When the shop heard they had been sitting for eight years they weren't hopeful they could get them running. And so I prayed and my dad and I towed them in and left them behind, confident in the mechanics.
A few weeks went by. No progress. They needed more money. They thought they were close to figuring out what was wrong. Panic set into my heart. I agreed to let them keep going with them.
A few more weeks went by. Another phone call. They needed more money. They were certain they were going to figure it out. Sadness crept in. I had ruined the things that I loved. I hadn't taken care of the things that I had to have and I could see the memories fading thinking my boats were bound for the junkyard. I agreed to let them keep going.
A couple days later another phone call. Tears started welling in my eyes before I even answered the phone. In my head I could hear them telling me it was hopeless. No use. I was bringing home very large paperweights. I answered apprehensively and the voice on the other end said, "They're ready! Want to come get them?" I was elated. We went and got them and brought them home. There were a few snags that needed to be worked out but yesterday, after eight years of sitting, I was driving my babies towards the boat launch at Lion's Field, with my human babies in the back seat asking a billion questions.
What if we fall off? Are there sharks in the water? Can you just go slow? What if I just want to stay on the shore with MomMom? Emerson maybe even started crying tears of fear, telling me she didn't want to go. My heart understood, but was broken all over again. My babies were going to grown up on the water. Now I was bribing my seven and ten-year-old to just try it. I was praying they would love it just like I do.
My dad and I dumped them into the water and jumped on. We were both apprehensive as we started out, unsure if they were really going to work like they used to. We got out of the no wake zone and I opened it up. And before long I was soaring over the water, the wind in my hair, the sun glistening off the surface of the water, and the hum of the engine just as I remembered it. And the tears came. Tears rolled down my face as five hundred emotions poured into my soul all at the same time. Sadness of the time I had wasted. Pride at the hard work it took to own these and then to have them repaired. Grief as I remembered the last trip I took with Brian, a picnic on the dock in Kingston where we started the trip at Lion's Field. Happiness as I remembered all the fun times we had on them after I first got them. And a sense of being filled with God's love and grace and mercy as I flew across the surface of the water. That emotion won out in the end as I looked up at the horizon and saw the picture God had painted for me across the western sky.
I went to open water towards Silverdale where there was no one around and I pulled the key out of the ignition and I just sat and floated and watched the skyline for a moment. God's voice rang out over the water to me and my heart felt as if it were going to burst. He created all of this wonder, this splendor, for us. He loves us so much he sends us the ocean waves and the sunsets and the mountains in the distance. It's all a gift for us. And seeing those pieces of His creation makes my faith come alive.
I raced back to the boat launch and picked up my apprehensive little girls. They warily climbed onto the SeaDoo behind me. I promised them I would go slow and explained to them how the SeaDoo works and why the key is attached to me and what they should do if we fell off, just in case. It wasn't long before I heard Emerson's little voice squeak around me: "Momma, could we go fast?" I asked if she was sure and they both said yes. So we went fast. Giggles and whoops and cheers of delight rang from their little voices. We went towards Silverdale. I took them the other direction and we went under the Warren Avenue Bridge and the Manette Bridge just in time to see the ferry pulling in. I steered towards the ferry and asked if them wanted to jump the wake of the ferry so we did that. The second time around I misjudged the height of the wave and we came down with a crash as a wave went right over the top of all three of us. I held my breath, waiting for the tears to start, but all of heard was laughter and a declaration from Emerson of "That was awesome!" The three of us had the best time last night. When my dad had brought the trailer back to the launch and it was time to pull them out of the water, Amelia said, "This was the best day of the whole summer." And my heart smiled.
On the way home we talked about all the things we could do with the boats. They asked if we could take them out again soon and I said yes! And Amelia pointed out how blessed we are.
Indeed we are blessed. Another stage of healing for our family. Another phase walked through. Another heart moment shared between the girls and me. I had been avoiding the boats. And it kickstarted a whole range of feelings and emotions that sort of rocked me for a while. But, the overwhelming sense of love and peace and joy of being on that water, flanked by my children and surrounded with the ocean waters and the amazing evidence of Father's creation won last night.
My children are water babies just like their momma. And we are looking forward to many more adventures on the water. And many more days of witnessing God's amazing creation!
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