Everyone is writing and talking about the recent shooting in a Florida high school this past week. In one way or another. Shootings. Teachers. Gun control. AR-15s. Strategies. Ideas. Regulations. Other countries and their gun laws. All topics have been covered. With very polarizing viewpoints. I was going to remain silent. This wasn’t a topic I wanted to comment on, but after the conversations I shared with Emerson on our walk today, I decided a post was warranted.
When I walked through my school after the shooting happened, I just wanted to teach. I wanted to hug my babies and work on speech and forget what had happened and just teach. But before I could get to my kids, I walked through the hallways, and played scenarios out in my head. Where would I shove students if someone were to enter the hallway with a gun? What I would do if we were in my office, where I have to open the door to lock it? If the glass that fills in my whole door would be shot out completely or splinter or fragment? How much time would trying to drag a filing cabinet in front of my door save?
This should not be how I have to walk through my school. So today, some days have passed, and Emerson and I went on a walk to the park. On our way back there was a man walking on the opposite side of the street. He looked disheveled and dirty. He was flailing his arms and swearing loudly to himself. Emerson grabbed for my hand, tucked in a little closer, and asked, “Mommy, what would we do if he tried to hurt us?” I looked down into her eyes and asked her why she was thinking that. She replied, “That man killed all those kids! At school! It just makes me think about people sometimes.”
It should make us think. It should make all of us think. So, the whole almost seven miles we walked she asked questions and we talked out scenarios that included yelling for help and screaming and running. Fighting back if we needed to. Whatever we needed to stay safe and alive. And we continue to think. I’m currently staring at the man sitting in the McDonald’s play place alone. I have matched all the kids here to the other adults in the play place. He doesn’t have a kid in here. And I worry about his intentions. The homeless man standing on the street corner, looking suspicious. I worry about leaving this place and what he might do. I think about sitting in my office with a teacher friend this week, talking about how I am thankful that I have a window so close to the ground. That I could shove kids out the window and tell them to run as fast as they could to the hospital.
It saddens me that we live in a society where we have to think about these things. We shouldn’t have to. But we do. So I will run scenarios through my head at work. And there won’t be a group I serve for a while where I don’t silently pray over them for safety, and then work through my head what I would do with them. Where I would hide them. Could I get to my door fast enough. How I can shield them with my body and my desk. And I run through scenarios with Emerson too. If you hear gun shots at school, run. Run as fast and as far as you can to help. Gah. It breaks my heart!
But, I have faith. I have a solid foundation in Father God and I know that I am protected no matter what! Does that mean I won’t die at the hand of a crazed gunman? Not at all. It just means that I am not worried about dying at the hand of a crazed gunman. If a shooter walked into my office and pulled the trigger, I would give my dying breath to save the babies in my care. But I would also know where I was heading next. I have faith. And when I die, whether that be in my office at school, or in 80 years in my sleep, I am going to heaven. I get to go and love for eternity with my Savior Jesus Christ.
So, my advice to Emerson? Run! Yell! Scream! Fight back! But the most important part of our lesson: DON’T LIVE IN FEAR!! Just live! And love each other! And know that our Father has this! He has you! He has those babies that lost their lives this week.
Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’
Fear not! I just want to teach. So, that’s just what I’m going to do. I going to teach my kids (at work and at home) love. Teach them hope. Teach them resiliency. Teach them to fear not! And pray over each and every one of them. My prayer will be that God protects them at school, and at home, and in all areas of their life. And my other prayer is that God will walk them through this life. That someone will notice if they are losing their way. That they will get the help they need. That they won’t become someone who does horrible, awful things. Because both sides of this coin need prayers. The victims and their families need prayers for sure. And the shooter and his family need prayers also.
I just want to teach...so that’s what I will do...
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