It's Not a Competition!

I am the department chair of our speech-language pathologist group this school year. It is my job to run the department meetings, help people problem-solve, assist our special education director with decisions regarding the department, make sure everything is running smoothly, maintain the budget, and, my least favorite part of the job...listen to complaints. In a department of almost thirty people, sometimes the complaints really roll in. It is my job to listen to what they are saying and see if there is any sort of solution I can come up with. For example, this week I fielded calls of help from SLPs who are over their caseload caps, one person doesn't have an office space that is appropriate for seeing students, one SLPs works with a teacher who wants to know how she is going to make up the time she missed for her students while she was out sick, and another was worried that she was going over her alloted budget but really needed the supplies she was asking for. I listen to the calls or emails, and either solve the problem, talk to my management committee (who are an amazing group of women with helpful ideas), or take it to the director. The chair job, on top of my regular duties as an SLP can be overwhelming at times. Who does the chair complain to??

As I was listening to calls and reading through emails this week, I got to a point where I was a little bit snarky maybe. I have six students over my caseload cap right now. I have 12 active referrals/evaluations right now in process. I have preschoolers flying into my program. And yet I was sitting through calls from other SLPs who were stressed and tired and wanting help. So I listened patiently, but scrunched up my nose at their complaints. Really? Three over? You're getting two new kids? You can't figure out a schedule that works either? I even vented to my assistant about it this morning, how ridiculous it was that I has to listen to this when I am just as over, if not more so...just as stressed, just as tired, just as over-worked and under-appreciated!

Then tonight I was sitting at my counter, going through mail, when I heard Amelia and Emerson talking. Emerson started the conversation with a "It's not fair!" That cued me in to listen more carefully, assuming they were in an argument. Amelia responded with "What's not fair, Em?" 

"It's not fair that my friends all have daddies!"

"I know, Em! I get sad too! But it's not a competition!"

"What does THAT mean, La?"

"Well, who cares if we don't have a daddy? We get a mommy that loves us for a mommy AND a daddy! She does her best to love us like two parents. And we are lucky! Think about all the bad things that happen to people! Think of all the people we know right now who are going through hard things. We are so blessed! Everyone has to go through things that are bad. But we get through them together as God's family. It's not a competition!"

Amelia is an amazing little girl! And she often says things that reset my thinking! She is right on so many levels! Work is not a competition. It's not about who has the hardest caseload or who has the most kids over their cap or who has the most referrals. It's about working as a team and getting through the rough patches together. Banding together, finding solutions that work for everyone, and readjusting your sails. 

And this is also true for life outside of work. It would be very easy to think about troubles and turmoils and problems and compare them to others. And there has been so much tragedy lately. So many friends and family in pain and suffering and loss. Miscarriages, death of children, murder victims, cancer diagnoses with no hope, house fires, suicides, mental illness concerns. It's all too much!! For anyone! But it's not a competition! We need to band together, help each other out, love on each other, pray for each other! Support one another any way we know how. Cook a meal for someone, make a phone call, send an email, drop to your knees in prayer, give a hug, smile, genuinely ask how people are. 

Life is hard! Work is hard! Home life is hard! But Amelia is absolutely right...it isn't a competition. There are no imaginary points assigned for your level of grief or your workload. We are all being pushed to the very ends of our ropes. At work. At home. Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually. But we need to band together and help each other! Love and support and pray and help each other. It's not a competition. We all need to remember that! 

The Duncan girls carry many of our friends and family members in our prayers. Our hearts are heavy for so many of you that are just starting difficult grief journeys. And we are sorry that you have to carry sadness and heartache at all! Please lean on us if you need to! For many of you carried us through our time of grief and sadness. Love to you all!