As I said earlier, Amelia performed this weekend in her dance school's production of The Nutcracker. She was a Sugar Angel. She, and 15 other little girls in pretty blue dresses, donned wings and halos to open the Second Act of the performance. This is Amelia's second year of doing The Nutcracker. She loves it and looks forward to it all year!
But, there was something different a couple weeks ago. My big girl is much like me and gets very anxious. She worries about everything and is very much a perfectionist. She wants everything to be perfect. She wants to be involved in everything. She loves dancing and performing and singing and acting. And she is involved in a lot. She is involved in five dance classes at dance school, which keeps us at the school at least three nights a week. With Nutcracker added that was a minimum of two more days of practice. She needed to perfect her part in The Nutcracker. She needs to learn five dances for the Christmas recital coming up, including tap, ballet, baton, hip hop, and modern. She also found out she got the lead role (with two solos) in her class Christmas pageant at school. And it all got to be a little two much a few weeks ago.
As I was tucking her in to bed one night, she burst into tears. When I asked her what was wrong, she started sobbing, telling me she didn't know what to do. That she was so nervous for everything and she was tired and stressed. As I crawled into bed with her and clung to my little seven-year-old, my heart broke for her. I asked her what I could do to help. She told me she just didn't think she could do it all. That it was too much and she was going to fail and let everyone down. I quickly grabbed her hands and we prayed. I prayed for strength and a calm over her heart. I prayed for God to direct her in what she should do. I prayed for answers for me as her momma, to find the balance between letting her do the things that she wants and the things that she loves, but also preserving her childhood and her sanity. When we were finished we talked about cutting out some activities. Maybe not doing five dances, but rather only picking her favorites. However, I also started in on commitment and that I understood if she didn't want to do ballet or tap anymore, that she didn't have to, but she needed to wait until AFTER Nutcracker was over and recital was over so that she didn't let down her teachers and classmates by not doing her part for the dances she has been practicing in class. She heaved a very big sigh and looked at me and said, "Mommy...I know...the show MUST go on!"
I smiled at her and began to consciously make her bedtime a little bit earlier every night. I made sure that I worked with her on learning her parts for the Candymaker's Wife in her school play and we practiced the dances she wanted to practice.
As I was getting her bun ready for her last Nutcracker performance today, Amelia wrinkled her nose and said, "Mommy, remember when we talked about cutting something out a while ago? Well, I've thought about it, and I love everything that I do! I love dance! I love singing! I love acting! I don't want to cut anything out! So, really...the show WILL go on I guess!" She giggled. I smiled at her and kissed her forehead. "I'm so proud of you, Amelia! And I will support whatever you want!"
She looked at me and shook her head. "Well, I don't want to quit anything! You can't get anything out of life of you quit!"
I smiled at her again and told her that she was absolutely correct, but that taking care of yourself is also important! Taking time to rest and relax is so important. She said she understood, but that her relaxing was in those classrooms at the dance school. That she loves to feel her body stretch and move to the music. That she loves to watch her baton fly through her fingers. That she loves the other family she has found at her dance school. And I once again told her that I would support her in whatever decision she made. She put her little hand on her hip, motioned for me to continue wrapping her ponytail tight into a bun and once again said, "The show MUST go on!"
And so it is with life. Or at least my life! There are days that it is just too much! Work and housework and kids and IEPs and running errands and driving kids to dance and packing lunches and...too much! There are days that I would like to curl up in bed and just cry! But, the show must go on! If there is any piece to my day that starts falling apart, I have to smile and keep going because there are lots of people counting on me on a daily basis. My students count on me to pull myself out of bed, even if I have a migraine, because they will be eagerly waiting outside my office door for their speech time. My principal counts on me to be at the playground for morning duty so that the children remain safe. My special education team members count on me to get my testing and paperwork completed so that we are not out of compliance. My two little girls count on me to pick them up from dance and get home at a decent time and maybe even remember to take out something for dinner. The show MUST go on!
But there is also that piece about taking care of yourself. That is harder as a mom...as a working mom...as a single working mom. I get through with a lot of help from friends and family. My mom can make a ballet bun with the best of them. She and my dad gladly take the girls so I can enjoy football days with my bestie, or concerts with friends, or out to dinner with coworkers. My amazing babysitters/Godparents to my children/extended family/miracle workers take my kids to school for me, and pick them up and drive them all over the county for dance lessons and speech therapy and counseling. They get there early and stay late and are amazing and oh so important! They help the show to go on! And I have an entire village of people that love and take care of us! That show up consistently for me and my girls. That cheer us on as our show goes on! Thank you to all of you! Who push us and encourage us and help us to keep going! In order to get through life, the show MUST go on! Thank you for being a part of our production, for if you are reading this, you are indeed part of the Duncan girls' production! Whether it be support cast, costumes, makeup, refreshments, ushers, script writers...you know which part you play! And if you aren't sure, ask me! I love an opportunity to share what you mean to me and my family!! I hope that one day I can reciprocate and help you with your show! Because your show must go on also! Ask me to fill in wherever you might need me! I would love to help you out with your production...no matter what phase it's in. I'm sure it's nothing a vat of hair gel won't fix!
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