The Best Day of Our Lives

Another one of my guilty pleasures is watching The Biggest Loser. I don't watch it faithfully, tuning in every week necessarily. But I've stopped in to watch it here and there over their many seasons of being on the air. Back when Brian was alive, we would watch it together. He usually seemed to have the night it was on off of work so he would run to Handy Andy's and buy us each a pint of our favorite ice cream and we'd sit and watch it together. Counter-productive, sure. But it was something we'd do together. We'd laugh at how wrong our methods were and that maybe we should try harder to do better. But it never changed. 

I stopped watching after he died. There are certain things that do trigger some heartache for me. Our favorite activities still tend to steal my breath away at times. But last week, I started watching this season. I missed the first episode but you catch up quick. Tonight's episode wasn't anything special or different. Weigh-ins, last chance workout, challenges, temptations. I watched while folding laundry and sort of half paid attention through the episode. Until the end. One of the contestants fell below the red line and was sent home. Her dad was willing to make the sacrifice to keep her safe and he would go home. The daughter quickly said she would go. That it was her time. And Bob turned to her and said "Remember as you go home that every day counts. Every choice you make matters." This struck me and I got teary. 

There are two simple yet potentially profound statements in Bob's advice to her. "Every day counts." This one haunts me sometimes because I am not certain as I look back if I have ensured to make every day count. There's a period of time where I don't remember much of what was happening in life, much less if I was making every day count. I don't know if I lived every day to the fullest. I know there were times that other people were at my house tucking my children into my bed. There were days when I half-heartedly taught my lessons to my kiddos at work as my mind was elsewhere. There are still days that I come home and drop my things on the kitchen floor as I slap a McDonalds cheeseburger and French fries onto my girls' plates and fall in exhaustion into the chair, letting them eat on the floor in front of the television. Have I made each day count? Not a chance. 

And then there's the other half of his statement. "Every choice you make matters." Ah, yes...this is most certainly true. Every choice you make throughout your day, throughout your life, matters. Should I hit the snooze button on my alarm? I might be late for work. I also could avoid that car accident that will happen just minutes after I normally would have been driving through that intersection. Should I go to that party? I might get more study time in and pass my test if I don't go, or I might go to the party and fail my exam, altering the course of my career path. Should I answer this match.com ad? I could meet the love of my life, or I could meet someone who is a liar and dangerous and will just end up hurting me.

Some of our decisions are not that drastic. Some of our decisions play out exactly as we think they will. Some of our decisions don't have life-altering effects depending on what we decide. But there is an impact. Ice cream after dinner? Might lead to more exercise later, or more pounds on your hips. Invest money here? The market could crash and you could lose everything. Cancelling parts of your insurance to save money? You could break your leg and not be covered. Every choice you make matters. 

Those hypothetical questions above? Some were hypothetical. Some were not. Some were real choices I found myself making. And the choice was wrong. Do I regret those choices? I'm getting to the place where I'm learning to be at peace with my choices. It's been a lot of therapy to be ok with those choices. And there's most likely more therapy to come. So, has it become crippling to make choices? I pause often, but I have help with making choices and decisions. 

Prayer! Before any decision I make, I pray and I hope that my Heavenly Father will guide me through those decisions. And if I end up making the wrong decisions, I know that He'll guide me down that path too. When I made that decision to respond to Brian's ad on match.com, I thought I was making a good decision. When he proposed to me and I said "yes" I thought I was making the right decision. When we decided to start a family I thought we were making the right decisions. And then the decisions got harder.  When I asked him to leave our home that night I thought I was making the right decision. Do I regret any of those decisions? Sure. I'll always wonder "what if." What if I had done this differently. What if I had done something else. But then I pause and pray and ask for guidance and I know that even though this journey has been difficult, our lives are playing out exactly how they're supposed to be. 

So, I keep living each day and making each day count. Life is a bit sweeter, a lot richer, when you pause to make the little moments count. And my prayer is that each day I'm making each decision matter. For my children, for my students, for my family, and for myself. Each choice I am making I turn to God for guidance and ask His blessings on the choices I'm making. I am so glad to have Him on this journey with me. I can't imagine navigating through the pain and heartache and disappointments you come across in life without Him. And by His grace, I'm making the most out of this life He's granted me!

Make every day count. And prayerfully consider your choices. And know that even if you don't, you are His child. You are loved and treasured and He is with you every step of the way. Amen!