Called to Serve...

The end of the school year is probably one of the most difficult stretches for people who work in a school setting. The fresh-faced teachers and students of September are long gone. People are tired and grumpy. We all start taking short cuts. Longer recess. More fun. There are five hundred end of the year activities. Spirit week. School dances. Building traditions. Good-byes to teachers who are retiring or leaving. It's a grueling, long time between Spring Break and Memorial Day weekend. The teachers walk around like zombies a little bit perhaps, wondering how in the world the clock only says 9:30 a.m. on a Monday morning. The students are hyped up and can barely contain themselves, knowing there's only a few more days to check off before they are free for the summer. It's a tough time. 

I love my job! No, seriously! I love what God has called me to do. I grumble about it from time to time. Too much paperwork. Not enough time. Too many mandates. But, overall, when I look at my career that I have chosen, I can't believe that this is my job. I get to teach kids how to communicate! I get to work with kids and their families and get them to a better place than they were when I met them in September. 

The end of the year is exciting for many of the students. Their goals have been met and they are sounding better in their speech, or they finally understand how those verbs work, or they have made a friend that they wouldn't even talk to at the beginning of the year. Sometimes, however, the progress just didn't happen and that breaks my heart. They maybe lost some teeth or got braces so their articulation didn't progress as far as I was hoping. Or they just cannot let go of some of their quirkiness so they still don't have any friends. I take my job seriously. And I take my kids' progress to heart, as a reflection on me and the kids of what kind of therapist I am. 

I truly believe that God has called me to work with these students at this school. This was not what I had planned to do, and looking at the path I took to get here I can see that this is exactly what God had in mind for me. I was supposed to be a speech-language pathologist at the school that I am at right now. I was called to serve. 

So, when I come across people who are not as committed to the job, it makes me a little bit crazy. Read the comment section of any news article on special education and it's typically full of unhappy parents throwing jabs at how awful special education teachers are. I used to read the comments and get so angry. What are they talking about? Special education teachers are the best! We love our kids! We always want what's best for them. We always fight to get them what they need. Perhaps I am very naive but it appears that I have been mistaken. Not all special education teachers, or general education teachers for that matter, have the students' best interests at heart. 

Psalm 100:2 says, "Serve the Lord with gladness..." and I try to take this to heart as I move into each day. Mid-May is a bit tougher to work toward this as we are bombarded with everything that has to be done at the end of the year. But this year, as I have grown in my faith walk and now strive to glorify His name in everything that I accomplish, I speak this verse in my office each and every morning. I want to serve the Lord with gladness in everything that I do at work. 

I know that I am at a different place in my faith and my life and my career as some of my colleagues. I'm only fifteen years into my career. I am a single mom with two little girls. I believe that every event, good or bad, has shaped my path throughout this life. Things were set in motion many many years ago to get me to where I am today. I know that I have no control over how my colleagues perform, but when their lack of care and concern impacts the students that I work with, I react. I get upset. I get angry. I try and overcompensate for their lack of effort. I have taken on the stress and anxiety and sadness and frustration for a lot of events at work lately. I have vented to other colleagues who I know care and are great educators. I have stayed up nights fretting and worrying about what to do in certain situations. I have tried hard to fix things for my families that are upset with events that have taken place.  Finally this morning, I paused. 

I paused because He whispered into my ear. "Why are you trying so hard? Is that your job to fix this? Do you not trust me to make this work out for My good?"  It goes back to the blog post about fixing things. I will be bold and say that I am good at my job. I am good at what I do. I care deeply for my students, their parents, their families. But, it isn't my responsibility. This isn't my responsibility. My responsibility is to do my job and serve the Lord with gladness. To perform my daily tasks to the best of my ability. To love and care for those babies and to give them the best education I can while they are in my room. And then, my job is to pray for them. To pray that God will protect them and nurture them and place them with people that will build them up and make them the best versions of themselves. I have to serve my Lord with gladness and know that His hand is in everything, including what they do when they are not with me. 

I serve the Lord with gladness. And I pray for my babies as they navigate through their days. As much as I look forward to summer, I also dread those final school days because there is so much to do, but even more because many of them are headed to middle school this year. I will miss them terribly. I don't let go of my kids very well. I'm losing eight of my most favorite boys to middle school. And I worry. I worry about what might happen to them as they enter middle school. I worry that maybe their teachers and therapists won't care about them like I care about them. And then, I'm reminded: this is not my battle, not my responsibility. I have to let them go and let God step in. And pray for their teachers and therapists and families. And pray for them. 

The kids I work with mean the world to me. And I hope that God places them with teachers and therapists that also serve the Lord with gladness.