Looking at Facebook posts from friends, many of them had amazing days also. Days filled with love and hugs and brunches. Travels to visit loved ones. Days filled with flowers and plants and fancy dinners. Days filled with doing simple things just being with our mommas and sending love and good wishes.
But today isn't about love and joy and happiness for everyone. I also had many friends that were posting about missing their mommas, who are in heaven this year. Or mommas who have lost children and Mother's Day is just another dreadful reminder that they don't have their babies with them anymore. My heart was sad for them too, for if I think too hard about being in either of those situations, I can't even imagine. I am thankful to have my mama and my children and my heart breaks for those with missing people at their tables.
A different group emerged this year also. There were some moms on my Facebook page that were posting in exasperation. They were stressed and frustrated that they weren't having their perfect Mother's Day like they felt all their mom friends were having. They were counting the minutes down to bedtime. They were pointing out that they didn't want their Mother's Day to go the way it was going. They were asking why moms were so grateful and happy with their children and they were not feeling those feelings. And that made me sad also.
Mother's Day is a day for celebrating our mommas. But it's just a day at the same time. A day like any other day. An ordinary day. Nothing says that this has to be the day we celebrate our moms. If you are having a less than stellar mom day, you get another do-over tomorrow.
My life isn't perfect. My children throw tantrums. My parenting skills sometimes are very lacking. Some days I'm so tired that all I want to do is crawl into bed and go to sleep. Start my do-over as quickly as possible. Life gets messy. But when those moments come, I take a deep breath, call out to God for help, and remember that life gets messy. Life is hard. There are days when we look like the quaint perfect family with everything put together. But more often than not, we maybe are struggling. I forget to do homework. As a teacher you'd think I'd be better at reading the teachers' weekly newsletters. Sometimes I pack way too many pre-packaged foods into the girls' lunch boxes. The girls aren't always happy and I give in to too many things I'm sure. But, again, we are given tomorrow as another day! Another try! A do-over.
But, then there's another thought. Tomorrow isn't always promised. Losing Brian forced life to slow down in my head. Those do-over days don't always happen. Sometimes you wake up and life is altered forever. Sometimes you don't get that one last snuggle. Or the last "I love you" in before life is altered. Those kind of regrets are hard to come back from. Trust me, I've spent hours and dollars on therapy trying to move past those regretted moments. I wouldn't want to do that again.
I know being a momma isn't easy. I'm a single momma and that's not easy, but I listen to my mom friends that are married and they don't have it easy either. In these times it's difficult to raise babies and feel like you are doing it right. There are a lot of societal pressures to "keep up with the Jonses." There are unspoken competitions for the best birthday parties, or the most talented children. Apps such as Facebook only make this competitive drive worse. I'm guilty of this also I suppose. I happily posted pictures of my day with my friends and girls. Pictures boasting of a wonderful day. Pictures of a great accomplishment in completing the race. But, those thoughts don't cross my mind when I post. I post to document time with my girls. I post to be able to look back and see the memories that have been made. It's not a competition! This isn't who can do things bigger and better. And it's also not a comparison family to family.
Being a momma isn't easy. But I whole-heartedly love my girls and treasure each little moment with them, as I know each of my momma friends do too. It's not about the grandeur of the day though! It's not about making sure that Mother's Day is over the top. It's not about flowers and brunch and posting the best pictures on Facebook. It's about treasuring the little moments as our kids and families and friends are growing. It's about being together and loving each other and supporting each other through this crazy life.
Our days are not perfect. They are far from perfect! And I'm sure many of us don't post about those days on Facebook. But as my perspective has changed and molded into something different, something better, I'm finding that even in the moments that I'm frustrated and want to pull my hair out, there are blessings in those moments too.
Father God is the perfect example of how we should be as parents. I completely mess up every single day. I sin every day and I am impatient and grumpy. I rush my kids through the day and get irritated when they don't move as quickly as I need them to. I lose my temper when they are fighting with each other and get disappointed when they don't follow through with the chores that I've asked them to complete. But He still loves me...unconditionally. He's the perfect model for how we should be as parents. He forgives us in every moment for our mess-ups. He is gentle and tender and wants the best for us. He protects us and shelters us in His wings. And He doesn't ever make mistakes. But whether we are in the role as His children, or as the parents to the children He has blessed us with, He knows we are not perfect. We need help and guidance in both roles.
Pause for prayer often. Ask Him for guidance in those moments you are struggling. Call out to Him in those moments you are at your wit's end. Allow Him to help you find your message in your mess. And know that you're not the only momma (or daddy) that struggles.
But also remember to pause and cherish the little moments. For you never know when those moments will go away. You might not get a do-over day. You might not have another chance to tell your babies that you love them. Or to tell your momma how much she means to you. So do that! You can be frustrated and feel like this Mother's Day was the absolute worst. But work hard to pause and think about finding the message in your mess. It's there! I find messages in my mess daily. As you strengthen your relationship with Father God, those messages kind of fly right out at you! There are messages in the messes of the day. Messages to pause and reflect on the time with your babies. Messages to think about why they are reacting the way they are. Messages to just slow life down and be present with them! And if you can't find your messages, pray! Read your Bible and pray! God will guide you through this life. He will guide you to the verses and scripture and devotions He wants you to hear. He will be by your side for the perfect Mothers Days and will be there for the Mothers Days when you don't want to be a mother even.
I love my life, and I love the messages that I find in my messes. Pausing for just a bit and praying has not only strengthened my relationship with God, it has also strengthened my relationships with my babies, and with others in my life too!
Ordinary days...my days aren't anything fancy. I didn't get flowers or brunch but I loved spending time with my girls and the burger and tots I had for lunch. Ordinary days are my favorite. And my hope and prayer for all of my momma friends is that you will find the messages in your mess. Be proud of your mess! Be proud of the momma hearts that you have! Be proud of the babies that God has placed with you. On the hard days, remember that you were chosen to be the momma to the kids that you have or had. That God hand-picked you for the journey He planned. That He knew your momma heart could handle whatever mess was thrown your way!
Happy Mother's Day to all of my friends...here's to many more ordinary days for extraordinary people!! XOXO
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