And then I decided to start a Couch to 10K app. But I decided to start back at week 1 day 1 which was just repeating the Couch to 5K app. What. A. Mistake. How quickly you lose things that you worked so hard to build up!! Here I was running 40-45 minutes solid like a champ and I went back to doing sprint intervals of 1.5 minutes. And now I'm starting to build up distance and it's kicking my tail again.
I just finished my run for Week 5, Day 3. It's a five minute walk, eight minute run, five minute walk, eight minute run, and a five minute walk. Eight minutes doesn't seem like a lot until you are running for that long.
A first for me during my run today: I almost ate the treadmill. I was running and suddenly got super dizzy and unsteady. Usually I would be smart about such things, stop the treadmill, and slowly exit until the feeling passed. My friends will attest that I am a bit stubborn. I only had two minutes left on my last running interval. I was not stopping.
I don't know why I got dizzy. It could be because I waited to run until 7:00 when the hot sun is blazing into my bedroom window making it like a sauna. It could be because I have some medications that I'm working on tapering down and I have felt a little weird lately. It could be my pre-workout meal choice of Spiros pizza and chocolate birthday cake with pink icing. But no matter the reason, it happened and I pushed harder and then I became unsteady and lost my footing and had to do some extra fancy footwork to not hit the treadmill deck and fly into my dresser at the bottom.
Unsteady. It doesn't take much to throw us off track. Since starting Weight Watchers I have been steady. Sure. Faithful. Then around spring break I let doubt creep in. I let old messages and comments from haters and negative self-talk get the best of me and I've been stuck in a plateau since, spinning my wheels in the same range of weight loss. I can do it. I know what I need to do. But I let the junk that floats from all around me in and I feel worthless and panic that I'll never be able to do it. That I'll always be fat and unloved and a failure. That I'll do what I've done every time and just give up and gain it all back again anyways.
Seems silly, right? I do feel like this journey is different for me this time. I used to get to this point and give up. Go back to old unhealthy eating habits. Stop exercising and go back to my couch potato life. But not this time. When I get to this point I cross my arms, grit my teeth, and dig in harder. Readjust. Plan more details of my eating. And keep on running. My food choices haven't always been stellar through this plan. But my running has been consistent. I haven't missed a run since I started in January. But those thoughts creep in and I become unsteady, but I have promised myself that I will fight with everything I have to regain my footing and composure. I will be successful.
The same can be said for my spiritual walk. I have always considered myself to be a Christian. I have grown up in the church. But I became unsteady. Unsure of my faith. A bit lax and lazy in following God and His path for me. And with each trial, each tribulation, each trauma, I maybe had those thoughts creep in that made me unsteady. Made me think that God must be against me. What did I do to lose His love? And I opened the door to Satan. I opened the door to being attacked and the thoughts of hopelessness and despair kept creeping in. Until I realized what was happening, regained my footing, and got back on track. Faith and prayer and reading my Bible and and having a prayer partner and refocusing on His plan for me helped me regain my stride and continue walking the journey He has planned. What a journey it has been! I still have moments where dark thoughts creep in and I find myself backsliding, tripping, fighting with all my might to not fall down and get hurt. But my recovery is smoother and firmer and brings me further on my walk with Him each and every time.
I am not where I want to be yet, physically, emotionally, spiritually. But I'm in a way better place than I was! And I can only keep telling you all how glorious this place is! Set goals for yourself, no matter what domain of your self you want to work on! And know that our Heavenly Father will be there to catch you when you fall. He's there waiting for you and me to ask Him for help and guidance. He's there to help you steady yourself when the world around you seems so very unsteady. He's there always. Continue to walk the journey. Because if where I am standing now is this good, knowing that I'm not even to the finish line yet, I can't wait for what is to come!
Steady. Sure. Faithful.
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