Way to Burst My Bubble...

Have you ever had one of those moments where you are so happy about something you could burst? Or you accomplish something that makes you so proud you want to shout it from the mountaintops? Yeah...me too. 

And then did you ever have someone make a comment that made that happiness or pride bottom out and not feel so great anymore? Yeah...me too. 

Many people tell me that I'm tough. That I have "thick skin." I'm not sure that is true. I think that I have developed a "thick skin" appearance out of necessity. I grew up with people making jokes about my weight. So I was always quick to just join in and make jokes with them. That way the sting wasn't so bad. I could focus on making a worse joke than them so I didn't have to suffer the humiliation of the words coming from their mouths. So I have a thick skin when people say something that bursts my bubble. But inside I'm crying or embarrassed or hurt or ashamed. 

Since starting to lose weight and exercise I have heard comments that have burst my bubble a bit. I tend to be optimistic about people so I don't feel like they intended to hurt my feelings, but they did. I don't talk to many people about my weight loss and exercise journey. I have less than a handful of people that I talk to about it because I don't want people to know. Part of it is because I don't want anyone to be able to say "I told you so" when I fail. The other part of the comments that I get aren't helpful, or the people react in jealousy or anger or fear that they aren't reaching their own personal diet and fitness goals.

I'm to the stage where people are starting to notice though. I'm almost 35 pounds down and with the exercise piece added in people are starting to notice. And the bubble-bursting comments have started. As I open up more and share more I get more comments back that tend to be hurtful. 

"You look great! What are you doing?" "Oh I follow WeightWatchers and I've started running." "Are you sure you should be doing that at your size? Seems like it would hurt your joints!"

"I feel so good running! I'm sweating more so I feel like I must be working harder." "Don't be silly! That doesn't mean anything except that your house is hotter."

"My girls and I are running a 5K together." "Wow! You sure you won't die?"

All real conversations I've had in the last few weeks. I smile and laugh and usually crack a joke about myself and then I walk away and feel badly about my progress. I wonder if they are right. I think that maybe I am just making excuses for myself and that I'm really not ready for the things I'm doing. Or maybe I am delusional in thinking that I feel healthier or stronger or lighter or that my clothes are fitting better. 

But then I think harder and smarter. I don't need the approval of any individual. I don't need complements or kudos. I don't need anyone to tell me I'm doing a great job. It's nice to hear those words, but complements from other people are not my WHY. When I started this journey 35 pounds ago, I typed out 120 reasons I was doing this - one for every pound that I wanted to lose. Not one of them said anything about approval from anyone. Not one said to get accolades and kudos. Not one said to prove anything to anyone, other than myself. I am making changes for me. I am the one that needs to feel good with this process and with my eating and with my fitness and with my goals. I'm the one that feels so pleased when I complete a run. I'm the one that smiles when I get to the end of a run and get a message like this: 

Earning the Athlete Badge today was a big deal for me. I ran two ten minute intervals without stopping. I moved my hand to the stop button of my treadmill several times but I never pushed it. I kept going. I did this for me! I completed this for me. I am becoming an athlete for me! 

I share things on my blog because I can pretend that no one reads it. I can vent and get things out into the open and think that it won't hit anyone's ears so it doesn't matter. But at the same time, I write this one hoping it will fill your thoughts. I don't need a flood of complements. I don't need pats on the back from anyone that reads it. I need you all to think! Think about other people's bubbles. Chances are someone is sharing something with you because they are proud. Genuine praise and support is always welcome! Think about how you're responding to people. Are you encouraging them and bolstering them up? Or are you popping their bubble?

1 Thessalonians 5:11 says "Therefore encourage one another, and build each other up..." Make sure you're doing that! Always be kind! And think hard before you respond to someone. We shouldn't have to worry about thick skin and bubble popping in conversations with our friends. And I'll think about how my responses are being taken as well! Praise isn't one of my WHYS...but it does feel good when it's genuine and heartfelt and without a twinge of negative thrown in too!

I'm going to do my best to protect my bubble, because I am so proud of myself! And the only thing I can control is my reaction to potential bubble poppers. Perhaps I should keep moving on up to Cloud 9...sounds much more heavenly that my little bubble!