Last Resort...

The definition of "last resort" says "a final course of action, used only when all else failed." 

I walked in to the kickboxing studio last night, ready for my Tuesday night workout. I checked in and stood around talking to one of the trainers. Overhead the music was blaring, inviting us to get psyched up for the upcoming workout. I walked back to the locker room when it hit me like an ocean wave slamming me to the sand. The song that was coming over the speakers was the Papa Roach song "Last Resort." The tears immediately welled up in my eyes as my brain made the connection. 

Music is my heart and soul. It defines many of the moments of my past. I am immersed in music much like I require air to breathe. There's a song that pops into my head for almost every occasion. There's a song that reminds me of past events. There's always a song...

For a few years, for Christmas, my sister and I decided to gift each other a trip. Rather than choosing a favorite destination, we would choose a favorite artist, pick a date for travel, and see what city we ended up in to see our favorite bands. One year it was Dropkick Murphys on St. Patrick's Day weekend in Boston. The particular memory that washed over me in the gym was the year we chose spring break to see Papa Roach. The destination? Las Vegas...

The news this past week has been hard enough for my brain to comprehend. But add this memory to the mix and I was overwhelmed by tears and heartache as I hid in the bathroom at the studio to sob into my hands before class. Those people. Those poor people. My sister and I are no different than those people. Music is something that we love. We were in Vegas doing something we loved. They were in Vegas doing something they loved. And many of them were killed or injured because of it. 

This life is tough. So very tough. It is filled with trials and tribulations. It is filled with dark times and difficult roads. Just right now in this moment, I am working through the grief of the anniversary of my other dad's cancer diagnosis and the anniversary of my husband's suicide. Life is hard. And in order to unwind, to escape from it all, I go to concerts. And football games. And events with friends and strangers. The concerts I have attended number in the hundreds. Easily. Those people at the music festival in Las Vegas? No different. Their lives are difficult. Their stories are unspoken. They were at the concert to have fun. Blow off steam. Forget the world. And yet in an instant, their fun and their happy place were shattered into a billion pieces as shots rang out and their lives were in danger. Or worse, taken.

And now, we grapple with the aftermath. Conversations have turned back into arguments. We will hear blame being placed everywhere. Gun control will be brought up. Hotel security was listed as the blame on several news channels. Mental health is touched on a bit. Everyone sends their thoughts and prayers. Many comment angrily that thoughts and prayer don't do anything to help! I agree to an extent. Thoughts and prayers shouldn't be an afterthought. They shouldn't be something that we throw out there in the wake of a massacre. Thoughts and prayer should be the first thing we do, always, constantly, and before tragedy strikes.  

This country is falling to pieces! We are coming apart at the seams. Over the course of the last few weeks, we have torn each other to pieces over a flag and a song. We have been furious with football players. We have been angry enough at each other that we are showing sides of racism and bigotry. People are openly typing out amazingly hurtful comments on social media. We have treated thought and prayer like it is a last resort. Something that we throw out there when everything else is going so wrong. We have thrown God completely out of the picture. He is a last resort for many, a last ditch effort to save or bargain or plead with. 

Thought and prayer and God should be first! Not a last resort. He should be the one that we turn to in good times and in bad. We should be coming together in conversation and dialogue. We should be putting aside our differences to heal our country, to heal our people, to heal our differences. We need to talk openly about guns. And mental health. And racism. And recovery for this great nation.  And all of the hard things.  Because as we are fighting over topics, fifty-nine people were killed for doing nothing more than participating in something they loved. They were gunned down trying to forget the awfulness of the world. They were shot and targeted for taking a timeout from the rat race and doing something they loved.

Be kind! Why can't we all just be kind to each other? Why can't we take care of each other? Why do we have to be so stubborn and opinionated and work hard to make others' time on earth unhappy or miserable. Just love! And have faith! And find peace!  Find the gift of hope! Be kind! Please!

I've been doing a project with my students this week where I have been reading the book "I Like Myself" and then talking about what they like about themselves. Out of around fifty students, want to know how many could come up with something they liked about themselves, even with an example? Three...and two of those three kids answered they liked that they were good at video games. The other student like his hands. That is so sad to me! These kids don't know that they are special! They don't know that they have so many likeable qualities! They aren't taught to be proud of themselves! That's sad! How many shootings may have been stopped by a parent telling their child how special they are? How many angry adults would he healed had they heard the words "thank you" or "you're beautiful" or "I appreciate you"? 

We can do better, friends!! People shouldn't be murdered doing something they love! People need to hear that they are loved. By other people and by Father God. People need to be kind to one another. One small act of kindness could make a huge difference. Don't let kindness and faith and hope and love and peace be a last resort. We need to make it a priority!! We need to push it to the forefront of this life. This hard, difficult life needs the light of people. It needs God and kindness and a revival of basic human decency. We need to step out from behind our keyboards and be the start of change. We need to do better! I need concerts and football and time with friends. And I'm not going to live in fear, but I know there's hope for a future where you don't get shot doing something you love. So talk! Pray! Heal! And have faith that God will carry us through this tragedy and help us all to move forward in love and hope and peace and faith. Don't let God be a last resort. Move Him to the forefront of our lives and watch the world change for the better! Don't make these things a last resort...