Thursday, November 21, 2013
Eternal Father
There were many pastors at my wedding. There was one up front that actually put the work in for us and married us. He went through marital counseling classes with us. And he helped us plan the wedding, and wrote our sermon, and did the officiant part. And then there were several there as guests of our wedding. Pastors who used to be pastors at our church. Pastors that I had grown up with in our church. Pastors who loved and cared for me and my family. I loved them all, and I was honored to have them be a part of our special day. They were all special to me for many reasons, and they still are special to me. I am thankful for Pastor Pulse for guiding me through many years of my teenage/college life. He was always there for me if I needed him. He talked me through many relationships, many breakups, many crises and I am so thankful for him. He walked me through my relationship with Brian. He married us, and wrote a wonderful sermon that I still look back on and read. Shortly after he married us, he took a Call to another position and left our church, but his last baptism at Peace was Amelia's, and I was so proud! I still have a strong connection to him, even though we don't speak often. I miss him...lots...
Pastor Merz was the first pastor that I knew at Peace. He visited my Kindergarten class often when I started school at Peace. He had a German Shepherd and brought her into our classroom. He was a bearded man that reminded me of Santa. He had a hearty laugh and always gave you a thumbs up and a wink. He was a die hard Cougar fan and always told me he still loved me, even after I told him I had gotten into UW. From the first day he met me, he called me his little teacher, and a piece of me will always hope that he is proud of me and the choice that I made to work in education. He passed away a few years ago. There are certain songs that we sing at church that bring tears to my eyes as I think of him singing so robustly behind the pulpit...mostly What a Friend We Have in Jesus...and How Great Thou Art.
Pastor Huelle is my current pastor. I was honored to have him baptize Emerson and welcome her into God's family. He was such a huge help around Brian's death and planning his funeral with me. He is the reason that I am back and church and enjoying it again, and I don't think he knows that. I don't share as much with him because I have been trying to find my way through this world for the past few years, but he is the reason that I have enjoyed church again. My girls thoroughly enjoy church, especially since he started the children's sermons. They feel oh so important as they make their way to the front of the church to hear his lessons. And I'm sure the sermon suckers he hands out at the end are a great incentive also.
Pastor Ross was the assistant pastor at our church at one time. He was at our wedding also, and was also an important part of our lives. He is soft-spoken and kind and I also had many great chats with him. And still do when our paths cross sporadically. There were a few times when I needed to talk and I would drive to his little church in Seabeck to sit and visit with him. I am thankful for him as well.
But, tonight, my heart and thoughts are with Pastor Hendricks. He was a Navy Chaplain at one time, I believe, and he filled in at our church when our regular pastor would be gone. He reminded me of my grandpa, and I looked to him as a grandpa. He was good for hugs always. I remember when he would fill in, I could not believe how long the man could pray! His prayers always seemed to be like twenty minutes longer than his sermons. My sister and I would exchange sideways glances like, "Really? We have to pray for each individual flower?" and then we would giggle and feel badly for making fun of prayer in church. He was such a sweet man, and he and his wife were so in love. He did so much for our church. And he wore overalls...just like my real grandpa. I looked to him like he was my own grandpa. Overalls and a hat and a hug and that's all I needed. The verbs in this paragraph are past tense because Mert passed away this morning. My mom called me at work this morning to let me know that he was gone. That he had died. He was so sick, and my first thought was he is so much better off, and then my thoughts turned to the selfish thoughts of, I want him here. I want to see him one more time. When was the last time I saw him? When was the last time I hugged him? And my heart breaks. And I cry. He meant so much to me, so much to my family...and even though we maybe made faces at his forty minute prayers, he taught me a lot about faith. He taught me a lot about MY faith, and about prayer, and in my reflection of this great man, I realize that I need to get back to the basic of prayer that he taught us. He was fervent in his prayers, and I am lacking and struggle with that piece. The song that immediately comes to mind when I think of Mert is the Navy Hymn. We often ended our services that he preached at with Eternal Father, Strong to Save...I know he's in a better place. When my mom and I were talking this afternoon about Mert again, we both said that there is no doubt where he is right now...rejoicing at the gates of heaven. No longer in pain, or suffering. And as amazing as that image is, it doesn't make it easier on those left here. My thoughts and prayers are with Mert's wife, sweet Martha, and the rest of his family. My prayers are with all of them. My heart breaks right now, and I am so sad. I know this will pass, but I hope that Mert knew what an impact he made on me, because he certainly did! He will be greatly missed...in his overalls and his cap, just like my grandpa.
So, tonight's one more thing mommy moment comes in the form of admiration for pastors. We had family art night at our school tonight. It was a great time, and we got to do some fun artwork together as a family, with my parents and my girls and friends from the school. As I'm tucking Amelia into bed, she smiles and she says, "Mommy, that was the best night, wasn't it?"
I smiled and said, "It really was, Amelia! You're such a talented artist and it was fun working on that project with you."
Amelia smiled and said, "Do you know what is such a great thing, mommy? Pastor Huelle and Mrs. Huelle really care about me. Do you know that?"
"I do, Amelia! We are very lucky to have them in our lives and at our church, aren't we?"
"Yes, we really are! I don't know what I would do without them!"
"I don't either, Amelia." And as tears began to flow down my cheeks, my sweet Amelia not knowing that Mert passed away, not even knowing how Mert was I don't think, I said, "Make sure you tell them that, Amelia...that's important to do!"
"Why, mommy?"
"Because you never know when you might not be able to do that anymore. You have to tell the people that you love how important they are to you. Say it often, and always mean it!"
"Because they could leave us? Like die?"
"Well, we don't know for sure. That's in God's timing. It's just super important to always tell people you love them. And how much they mean to you."
"I will, mommy. I love Pastor and Mrs. Huelle! And I love you too!"
"I love you too, Amelia. With all my heart." and not able to hold my tears in any longer for the day, I left Amelia's room and wept in grief. Grief for Pastor Mert. Grief for my grandpa. Grief for the hurt of Mert's family, and the other members of our church.
My heart is broken...so sad to know that Mert is gone. But as I'm typing this out, I also see the blessing, in that he is with his Lord and Savior, just where we wants to be! And there is no doubt, that he is there, waiting for Martha, but rejoicing in being with Jesus. There is no doubt...
Eternal Father, Strong to save,
Whose arm hath bound the restless wave,
Who bid'st the mighty Ocean deep
Its own appointed limits keep;
O hear us when we cry to thee,
for those in peril on the sea.
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