Protector

There is no single job as a mother that is more important than protecting your babies. At least in my opinion. There are so many things that we need to protect our children from, that it can be overwhelming at times. And it's really not something that you want your six year old fretting over, but mine happens to have anxiety about a lot of things. Tonight, while we were chatting on the phone with a friend, my parents' dog started barking. I excused myself from the bedroom to go and check to make sure all was well outside. Amelia immediately started worrying about what was wrong. I was hoping the phone call would be a distraction to her, but her ability to observe everything got in the way of that plan. She tailed right behind me into the living room. What was it? What did I see? Was something outside? Why was she still barking? Why was Sissy growling? I took the phone from her hand, said good night to our friend, and walked Amelia to her room. I told her that I didn't see anything wrong outside, that Suzie was probably barking at someone walking on the road. She relaxed and the conversation turned to Santa Claus and that maybe it was him test flying the reindeer, which then led to a conversation about what she wanted for Christmas. I cut her a bit short because in the background I could hear the dogs still barking and I was trying to figure out how to investigate without alarming Amelia. I tucked her in, kissed her head, and told her to sleep well. She smiled at me and said, "Mommy...just one more thing...what would happen if someone tried to break into our house. What would you do?" "I would grab Emerson, and you, and lock us in mommy's bathroom and call the police." "What would happen if he got in? What if he killed you? I don't think I could live without you." This thought brought (brings?!) tears to my eyes. Not because the thought of dying frightens me, but because the thought of not being able to protect my girls frightens me. But, I remained upbeat and told her that that would not happen. That Sissy would protect us first of all. And that if anyone got in, I would fight to make sure that Amelia and Emerson and Mommy were safe. She seemed happy with that answer. She laid back down, and said, "Thank you, mommy, for always protecting us. God really blessed me with a great mommy because I know that you will do everything to make sure we are safe and happy." I told her I loved her and made my way out the living room. And I cried. Those words were the best thing that I could ever hear. There were many times as a mom that I feel like I failed in my job to protect my children. There was the time that Emerson fell down all of the stone steps in our backyard and I had to take her to the doctor with owies on her face. And then there was the four times this summer when Amelia got stung by bees. Amelia is pretty allergic to bees, so that's not a good thing. And these are only just a couple examples. There have been many more times when I felt like I failed to protect my children. It breaks my heart. It eats me alive. They are so young and innocent and they look to me to protect them. They look to me to guard them and keep them safe. And I know that I'm not done messing up either! I'm sure that there will be many more times when I don't protect them the way I should. But, I also know that I do the best I can. I know that I have learned many lessons about protecting them, and that all of those little incidents will help to make me a better momma in the future. And I know that even though it's hard to think that you have let your kids down, that you haven't done your best to protect them, that moments like tonight happen where Amelia looks at me as her hero and that she knows with 100% certainty that I would protect her. And I would and part of that drive is knowing how awful it felt when I failed to protect them. The times when I let them down and they got hurt. My prayer is that God helps me be the momma bear, the protector that my daughters need. And if I can't be the one, that He give me strength to ask for help, and that He also give me strength to ask for forgiveness when I fail. They are my babies. There is nothing more important than their health and safety and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them. I would die for them, if I needed to, and my love for them is so great, my heart wants to burst everytime I look at them. So, there was no need to barricade ourselves into the bathroom tonight, but it's good to know that I would if I needed to. And it's amazing to know that the two little people in my home know that I would protect them with all my power and all my ability. And it's also amazing to know that I have created two little lives that are more important to me than my own. They are my everything, and thinking about being separated from them is unfathomable to me. I love our little family. And I love that Amelia realizes that I want to protect her, even in the midst of failing her in the past. She is amazing, and oh so resilient and I am blessed to have her, and Emerson. I am thankful that He entrusts me with them daily!