6 Months...

I always knew that I was going to drive a truck...a shiny, red one! So, when I was finished with grad school and got hired on by CK School District, the first thing I did was buy a shiny, new red truck. I loved her so! I drove her everywhere. Carted my friends around in it everywhere. Cried real giant tears when my friend Tim gave her her first scratch right across the hood...stupid belt buckle. Used her as a get-away car for many stupid pranks. Drove her a few times to the Gorge and back for concerts (It was never as cool as the year we took my mom's mini-van to Warped Tour though). I remember where I was at 100 miles...at 10,000 miles...and in like 40 miles she'll have 100,000 miles. I bought her brand new in 2002 and I loved her to death. So, when life started unravelling and I couldn't stand to have Brian's Kia at the time, my parents hid his car from my sight and I drove my beautiful red truck. I was thankful that we had been a two-car family so that I had that option. I still loved my red truck. And then, gas prices went insane. And being a newly single mom on a budget I no longer saw a beautiful red truck. I saw 13 miles to the gallon, while I had a Kia Spectra tucked away that got 35 miles to the gallon. After many sessions of therapy and many hours of pacing and convincing myself that I could do it, I parked my pretty red truck in our driveway and started driving the Kia to work. It took me a few months of driving it every day, but I eventually only cried to Chico. And then only to the freeway. And then only to the end of the driveway. And eventually the tears stopped altogether. I was never comfortable driving the Kia, but I was very comfortable with the idea that I was saving so much money on gas. And then, I started having seizures. You don't know how much you take for granted until you can't do something anymore. Driving is not something they recommend when you are prone to seizures. I think I've blogged about my seizures before. I had no idea I was having seizures. I thought I was having panic attacks, or mini moments of anxiety. I did not think I was having seizures. But, when my second neurologist recommended I have an EEG and in that first EEG they saw seizure activity, I finally knew that I was having seizures. So they started me on meds and for a while, they got worse. Much of the fall of 2011 is a blur to me. I was being bounced from seizure med to seizure med, trying to get them to stop. Nothing seemed to work. I was out of work for a few months on sick leave while they tried to figure out my seizures. They admitted me to Swedish for a week to do a video EEG to see if they could pinpoint my seizures and of course nothing happened while I was there. So, they diagnosed me with psychogenic seizures...or as I liked to call them, fake seizures. These seizures look like seizures and act like seizures, but they are stress induced and there are not brain changes during the seizures. They are not epileptic. But, there was not 100% certainty that I wasn't also experiencing epileptic seizures also so they kept me on seizure meds and I went on my merry way. I was still having seizures. So, in order to keep me, my children, and society safe, I stopped driving. I cannot say thank you enough to all of the amazing people in our lives that helped out when I needed help. So many of you jumped in and carted my girls and me all over the county and I am so appreciative. I will never be able to repay you all for your generosity and graciousness, but there were so many of you that helped out. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart. So, I was dependent on many people to help us out. In a time when you would more than likely need a car, I was stranded and dependent on so many to get me to work, doctor appointments, my kids to daycare. I researched and found ways to get around driving. I ordered my groceries online and they were delivered to my house. I had amazing friends that would pick up and drop off chicken and rabbit food. And then I would have a streak where things seemed ok, and I would drive, but then would quickly be back to not driving. It was very frustrating for me. A few neurologists later, a couple miracles, and a new seizure drug and I have hit a milestone this week. Six months with no seizures. Washington state law states that you have to be seizure free for six months before you are allowed to drive again. And I was given the all-clear from my new neuro to start driving again as of this week. Our first trip home was yesterday in the Kia from ballet class. The girls were ecstatic and so was I, but today's was even better. I loaded the carseats into my beautiful red truck and off we went to meet a friend for dinner. It was only a ten minute drive to Silverdale, but it was the best drive ever. The girls were beaming. Amelia asked to turn the radio on. Emerson pointed out that she had never ridden in my truck with me before, which is probably true...she wouldn't remember since I stopped driving it when she was a baby. So many good things have happened in our lives. And to quote one of my friends, 2014 is starting out great! As I was tucking Amelia into bed tonight, she wrapped her arms around my neck and said, "Mommy, today was so amazing! I'm so proud of you! I'm so proud of us!" I squeezed her back and told her that I was proud of her and I was proud of us too. We have been through so much! She has been through so much. During the time I was having my worst seizures, she was such a trooper, following our protocol that we have put together perfectly and never wavering. She was brave and helpful and always did everything she could to help me out, and help Emerson out if I was having a seizure. Even at four, five, six years old, she stepped in and helped out in a big way. And I'm so proud of her! Even after just experiencing the loss of one parent, she still was able to remain calm for her sister, and get help when we needed it. I owe my life to that girl, in more ways that anyone will ever know. So, we are back! We are cruising around town in my beautiful red truck again. And I have hopes and prayers that we will stay that way for a long time! It's tough not driving and having that piece of independence back is an amazing feeling. Don't believe me? Check out the picture of two little beaming faces I posted on Facebook. As Emerson said on our way to Silverdale, "Mommy, I think this calls for a celebration!" Celebration indeed! A new lease on life! A new sense of independence! A new chance to make memories with my girls! I think we're going to the zoo...no, the park...no, the ocean...no...