Playing Dress Up

Today was a big day for my girls. Wednesday at their school is chapel day. And each week, the various grades take turns leading the chapel service. Sometimes they sing songs. Sometimes they put on a skit. Sometimes they read verses. Sometimes, they do all of the above. Today's chapel was led by the first grade, Miss Amelia's class. If you remember, I talked a few days ago about how they were singing "God is Bigger than the Boogeyman" and that Amelia was chosen to do a duet with one of her little friends in the class. Well apparently, Amelia did an amazing job because all day long I got pictures and texts and phone calls telling me what a show-stopper she is! How talented! So cute! She made at least 70% of the staff at her school cry because she was so full of joy and so energetic. We went to school later in the day for a Trunk or Treat and anyone that had seen Amelia sing stopped me to let me know what an amazing little performer she is. Many teared up just talking about her singing and it made me tear up also, for many reasons. As a momma, I always tear up with pride for my girls, but also when I stop and think about my oldest girl, it makes me tear up. She is an amazing, resilient little girl and I know she's a show-stopper, but it makes me happy and proud to know that she is willing to share her talent and charm with others as well. To get up in front of the entire school of 200 plus students, plus teachers and all the first grade parents that were there watching is amazing to me! I am a proud momma to the best little girls ever. Tonight was also exciting for my girls because, as I said earlier, there was a trunk or treat at their school in the parking lot. That was a lot of fun! There were about 25 cars that came out all decked out in decorations. One truck even brought baby pigs from their farm! So cute!! My dad tried to get the girls to ask for a pig in their buckets instead of candy, which I would have gladly done at the moment. They were soooo cute!! But we walked away with just candy, which I'm thankful for now that I'm tucked in my cozy bed and thinking about one more animal on the farm that we don't need! The girls got their costumes on with the whole regalia...shoes, crowns, hair clips, glittery dresses, makeup...they definitely played their parts well. We had a lot of fun for part one of Halloween, and it was a good time for all of us! We came home and did our nightly routine. I was tucking Amelia into bed and I told her how proud I was of her. She asked me, "What for?" and I told her for her successes of the week! She got a tooth pulled yesterday like it was no big thing. She sang in front of a couple hundred kids and adults like she owned the place. She has had a crazy week with breaks in her routine and she is amazing and moving through with all of her awesomeness. Our one more thing mommy moment for the night: "Mommy, I LOVED tonight!" "What did you love most about tonight?" "Well, other than being with my friends and family, I like dressing up!" "You looked so pretty Amelia!" "It's not even the being pretty part. I mean, I was breath-taking! (She's so modest!) But, it's fun to dress up and pretend to be someone else! I liked that for a few hours I didn't have to be Amelia, but I could be Belle! I could close my eyes and imagine talking to Chip. Or dancing with the Beast. Or riding Phillipe. I LOVE that we can just do that!" "You're right, Amelia! It is fun to imagine being someone different...especially princesses!" "I love you, mommy! I can't wait to do it again tomorrow. Good night!" Dressing up and pretending to be someone different! That is an amazing ability that we have. This past summer I had the opportunity to go to a cocktail party with the Seahawks. We got to wear fancy cocktail dresses, and eat a catered dinner on the 75th floor of the Columbia Tower in downtown Seattle. I got to meet, hug, and get my picture taken with Richard Sherman, starting Cornerback for the Seahawks. I got to meet Lawyer Milloy. I got to watch Earl Thomas and Richard Sherman playing Madden together on the Xbox. It was WAY fancier than this farm girl is used to. But it was an amazing night! I got to pretend that I was fancy, if even for one night. And just like Cinderella's clock struck midnight, we had a ferry to catch and the evening was over. And I went back to being just Tammy. But the thing is, it wouldn't be so magical, so special if it was an everyday thing. It was amazing to dress up and pretend to be someone else! The Great Pumpkin's last visit is tonight so as a surprise to the girls, he finished the Halloween decorations that we've been too busy to set out, and left them their final note for October 2013. I came back to go to bed, but I wasn't tired so I started going through my closet a little bit. You know how each room seems to have a catch all? Well, my entire bedroom is the catch all for the house, but my closet definitely takes the brunt of that. So, I've been working on getting it cleaned out a little at a time. As I was shoveling through Seahawks gear and speech therapy cards and manuals and piles of clothes I came across something that sorta took my breath away. Here's a little disclaimer...I'm going to get personal and I'm not really sure that there will be anything inspirational about this, but just a feeling that I'm having that I'm willing to share with you right now...all two of you that are probably still reading...LOL! As I lifted the last of the pile of clothes off of my closet floor, lying in the bottom of the heap was my wedding veil that I wore on the day I married Brian. It was beautiful! White with little pearls sewn all over the bottom. I held it in my hands as I knelt on the floor in my closet and my heart stopped, if only for a minute. How perfect that I would find this tonight, after my conversation with Amelia about dressing up and being someone else. I never know what emotions will come to the surface when I come across things like this so I just knelt on the floor and waited, and then I stood up and went into the bathroom and put it in my hair. I looked at myself in the mirror, wearing the veil that I was wearing when I married my husband. And as I looked into the mirror, I realized that I didn't recognize myself in it. I remember putting it on in the dress shop and feeling so beautiful in it! My mother raved about how beautiful the veil was. But tonight, on Halloween Eve, I looked like one of those scary-looking zombie brides. My mascara was a bit smeared...my skin was a bit pale...my eyes were a bit tired...and I was already in my jammies. The veil looked silly. I put the veil on and I was a completely different person than I was when I walked down the aisle over seven years ago. And I'm torn...between wanting to pretend to be that person from seven years ago, and wanting to pretend that I'm the person that I am now. And you know what? As I stood in front of that mirror, staring at the image of me in that veil, I smiled and knew that this wasn't me in the mirror. I didn't want to pretend to be the person I was when I married Brian. Because even in all of the struggle and tears and heartache and uncertainty, I know that I am exactly who I am supposed to be right now. The person I am, sitting on my bed at 12:30 on Halloween morning with two precious little girls, a menagerie of animals, amazing friends and family, and all the other blessings that I have in my life is exactly who God wants me to be, who He NEEDS me to be in his master plan. I smiled at my image, ripped the veil off of my head, and threw it into the pile of things to put in the girls' dress-up bin. Because honestly? That is not me! And I don't want to pretend to be that other person. I am stronger today than ever! I am moving forward and healing my heart and I cannot wait to live the rest of my life knowing that I don't have to imagine I'm someone else. I love being me! Now, if the Seahawks ever want to invite me to something fancy again, well, that's a different story...