The Dentist

Amelia and Emerson had dentist appointments after school today. They were both very excited. We love our dentist's office and the girls have been looking forward to this appointment for a while. So, when I got into the car when they came to pick me up, they were excited to tell me all about their appointments. They got t-shirts, and The Lion King was playing on the TV screens. They got toothbrushes and toothpaste and Emerson showed me her cavity-free club certificate. And then Marilyn showed me the treatment plan for Amelia...she has an infected tooth and I have to make an appointment to go in and have it removed. And that changed the entire mood of the car, and of the entire evening actually. Amelia was moody and emotional and she started crying as we did bathtime tonight. Was she worried about having the tooth pulled? Yeah, but her anxiety was much deeper than that...but she couldn't tell me what was wrong. She sobbed in my arms and said how disappointed she was in herself. I hugged her and told her it wasn't anything that she did! And it would all be OK. That it wasn't any different than a tooth falling out. I tucked my sad girl into bed and I asked her one more time if she was OK. She burst into tears and asked if we could talk about just one more thing. I sat on the edge of her bed and she buried her little face into my chest and cried. Through her muffled tears she exclaimed, "It's all my fault! I'm the worst tooth care person EVER!" I pulled her away from me and I asked her what she was talking about. She informed me that she ruined her teeth. It was all her fault. I shook my head and said, "Sometimes these things happen!" And she wailed, "No! I did this to my tooth because I can't stop chewing on things!" Some of you may or may not know that when Amelia was 18 months old, she was diagnosed with Sensory Processing Disorder with Obsessive-Compulsive Tendencies. She was a sensory baby for sure. She hated socks and shoes. Clothes made her crazy. She would get too hot and sweaty at nap and would scream for up to four hours after. Fireworks and smoke alarms are enough to drive her over the edge. Crowed places are just places that we avoid. Every year we attend the Jackson Park Fall Festival and usually make it about 15 minutes before it's time to go home. She just has little quirks that she's had all her little life. Most of the things that plagued her when she was an infant are gone, with the help of maturity, Occupational Therapy, and other events that helped her move through things. But a few things have stuck. And the worst of her remaining habits is her need and desire to chew on things...everything! Paper, clothing, plastic beads, staples, sequins, and almost anything she can get her little mouth on. Our OT recommended chewy tubes, which are AMAZING and were very helpful when she was little, but not so cool now that she's six. And sadly, as she has chewed on things, things get stuck in her teeth. Many times she will come to me telling me that something is stuck in her tooth and we work and work and work to get it out. Lately, though, things gets stuck and she's embarrassed to admit it so she won't tell me until her gums are red and swollen and bleeding. So, Amelia decided tonight that there might be something stuck and it's her fault that her tooth has to be pulled. She talked about how stupid she is and that she does not know what makes her want to chew everything. And it dawned on me that I haven't directly talked to her about her Sensory Processing Disorder. So, I told her tonight. I explained to her everything that I typed above about her infancy and toddler years. I told her what it meant and that whatever was going on in her brain, it needed to chew on things. We talked about how it isn't cool to have a chewy tube and that she was mortified to think that her teacher, Ms. D., would find out. I asked her why and she said, "I don't want to be the only one in her class that is weird and has something wrong!" I shook my head and smiled at her and said, "You're not! I guarantee it!" She wanted to know how I knew and that she didn't know any other kid that had this problem. I asked her if she remembered what my job was and she told me to teach kids speech. And then I told her that I work with a bunch of kids that have sensory issues. And she asked me to tell her about them, so I did. She relaxed a bit and said, "So I'm not alone?" I said, of course you're not alone. You have your momma, but there are lots of kids that don't like the way things feel or taste or smell. And there are a lot of kids that need to do things to make themselves feel better. She agreed that maybe she could compromise and wear some of the "chewelry" that we have, but that she was still too embarrased to tell Ms. D. I agreed that was an ok compromise for now, but that Ms. D. wouldn't judge her. That people need to know these things so they can help out. So then we started into a conversation about how everyone has things about themselves that they don't like. Amelia asked me what mine was, and I told her that I didn't like my weight. That my weight and being fat my whole life has been embarrassing. That I don't want people to know what I had for dinner last night, or that I don't exercise, or that there are many activities that I avoid because of my weight. And then I started to cry. And Amelia wiped away my tears and asked me why I was crying and I told her that my whole life has been a struggle with what I weigh and what I should eat and what I shouldn't eat and how it impacts my life, and that it made me sad that she had something, some burden, that she might carry her whole life. She scrunched her face up like she does when she's thinking and she said, "You know what mommy? I'll work on remembering my chewie tube and let you help me with that, if you work on planning meals and exercising and I'll help you with that. Deal?" and then she reached out her little hand and we shook on it. I grabbed her and squeezed her and told her I was excited to help each other. She smiled and said, "Me too!" So, what's your thing? What are you uncomfortable with? What do you dislike about yourself? What do you want to change? Your weight? The way you see yourself? Housekeeping skills? Time management? Organization? We're all human...we all have something that is embarrassing...that if someone noticed or saw or knew that was part of your being that we would just as soon die as have it revealed. I don't want you to really tell me, unless you feel like you want to! But Amelia and I are working on ours. And I am once again sharing with you all because public knowledge of something that I'm working on usually spurs me to be better. So, it starts tonight...right now! Amelia went to bed with thoughts of her chewy tube instead of the other harmful objects she chews on. And I'm going to bed with thoughts of menu planning and walking and getting back on track with my weight loss. Because if my six year old is willing to put herself out there and work on something she's struggling with, then I'm going to do it right alongside her. And we're going to succeed! I want my daughters to be just as proud of me as I am of them!